lost
by baby hosey
Summary: monica gets a offered a great oppertunity but what does it mean when she comes back? will she e monica? will she still be with dana? so many questions, finally complete. please r and r
1. Chapter 1

Lost

Ch1

Dana and Monica had been together, happily, for over six months when Monica flew into Dana's one evening  
"Dana I've been offered a fantastic opportunity, and I'm thinking ill take it but I'm running it past you first"  
She was so excited and full of energy about it  
"ok, what Dana's it?" asks Dana  
"well Its going into a new occult that are apparently stealing animals for sacrifices and abusing children. Some guy turned up saying he wants it stopped but we need proof so they want me to go in with this member to get evidence of it to close it down"  
Dana just nods, scared how this could end, could Monica really do this?  
"Dana I knew you weren't going to like it but I've worked so many cases but with no prosecution but this is a guaranteed one but to go in as a member to get it is amazing"  
Still nothing from Dana, she wants to beg her not to go but knows its something Monica is very passionate about and she can't stop her neway, they've only been together just over six months its not her place to.  
"Ok well I'm going, ill make the call unless you speak out now?"  
Nothing  
"ok, ill be back in a minute"  
And she walks outside the door. Dana slumps on the sofa, she needs to know details and times. She's going to miss her so much; she missed her enough when she woke in bed alone in the morning. The door opens  
"its set I'm going"  
"Monica, please come sit" says Dana a little sad  
"you can't stop me going now"  
"I'm not, I know your passionate about all this so I won't stop you, I can't neway, its not my place to"  
"you could of? I'd of listened to you"  
"but its only been six months so I have no place to stop you"  
Monica touches Dana's cheek  
"you do and I would of listened. Six months isn't long but I've known you longer. And I know you'd mean it in my best interests"  
"I would of but its fine. Neway details, when you going?"  
"Two days time"  
"right, where are you going?"  
"Mexico"  
"how long roughly for?"  
Monica bites her lip,  
"up to six months"  
"six months? I've got to go without you for six months? What am I going to do?"  
"well if you want to we can split and see what's happening when I return" say Monica sadly  
"no way, I love you and I am not splitting from you, no way. Ill manage, somehow"  
"your sure cos..."  
"I'm sure"  
She spins around and pushes Monica onto her back on the sofa,  
"I love you too" says Monica and pulls her into her lips.

The next two day and nights they spent every moment together, making the most of their time together before she goes off.  
On the last night they laid in bed,  
"I'm going to miss you" says Monica  
"ill miss you too"  
They kiss,  
"once I leave here tomorrow I'm no longer Monica so I'm no longer your partner. That's Monica, ill be Jenny in Monica's body"  
"I know, its fine. Moms over tomorrow evening and night neway so ill be occupied with her and skinners promised a movie night"  
"but you ill think of you all the time"

They wake in the morning Monica showers while Dana makes breakfast, then she showers  
"am I still dropping you at the office?" Dana asks praying it's a yes  
"please, if that's ok with you"  
"yes of course. I want to"  
Monica strolls up to her and pins her against the work top  
"I know your scared but I am coming back. Back to you, to us"  
she kisses her, then holds her  
"I love you Dana"  
"I love you too"  
She pulls back  
"will you hold something for me while I'm gone?"  
"Yeah what?"  
Monica reaches into her pocket and pulls out her keys, puts them on the side then pulls out a necklace.  
"this" she hands it over  
Dana looks at it in her hand  
"its my charms, I can't take anything with me but I can't trust just anyone with it"  
As Dana looks she sees a beautiful white stone ring on it  
"this" Monica says pointing to the ring "is yours when I get back"  
"why?"  
"as I love you and I want you to have it. Once I'm back"  
They kiss,  
"thank you. Can I wear it around my neck? Keep you close"  
"of course you can. I just didn't think it was your thing"  
"its yours so ill wear it" smiles Dana  
"ok, thanks for agreeing to hold it for me, come here"  
She takes the necklace, undoes it and gently places it around Dana's neck  
"I am right here, everyday, night, morning till I come back"

they sit and eat but Dana's not hungry, she feels very sick.  
"Come on wed better go" says Monica  
"ok"  
The car journey is quiet. As they pull up Dana sees a short, stocky man, in a grey suit looking around.  
"that's agent Phillips, he's in charge of the operation" says Monica  
"oww ok" replies Dana  
Monica gets out  
"come on out Dana"  
She reluctantly does  
"agent Phillips this is Dana sully, my partner"  
He reaches out his hand  
"pleased to meet you, I've heard lots about you"  
Dana just nods,  
"right ill head on in so you can say your goodbyes" he says and turns away  
This hits Dana hard, saying goodbye she hadn't anticipated saying goodbye  
"come here then Dana" she pulls her into her arms  
"you ok?"  
She shakes her head  
"Dana were not saying goodbye, were saying see you later and I love you"  
"I know, its just hard"  
Monica moves down and kisses her, strongly, passionately,  
"I love you. I promise as soon as it's over ill call you"  
"I love you too"  
"I'd better go in. See you later"  
One last kiss and Monica walks off, pulling her hand as she walks out of Dana's grip, soon it slipped away.  
Dana just stood watching her catch up with agent Phillips and walk inside. She can't move, she can't let her slip out of sight, suddenly she feels a hand on her shoulder, she swings around to see skinner  
"hi Dana, you ok?"  
She doesn't answer  
"come on, she'll be ok. Tough as nails is Monica"  
Still she just stands there, she feels tears brewing  
"are you alone tonight?"  
"No moms over for the next two days"  
"ok, well let me know when you want to do something. I'm seeing Doggett tomorrow; he's worried about Monica too. Maybe we could all go out one evening"  
"that'd be nice. I'm off; can I maybe call you later?"  
"Course but your with mom"  
"yeah but she don't understand about me and Monica. You sure its ok?"  
"its fine, I'm always here for you"  
"see you later"  
And she gets into the car.


	2. Chapter 2

Lost

Ch2

One day turns to one week, one week to one month, one month to two month, then two months to three months. Dana was still missing Monica terribly, she hardly slept or ate, and everyone was worries about her then came a call she wanted but never wanted. The phone rang at eight o'clock am  
"hello"  
"Dana its john" he didn't sound right  
"what's wrong?"  
"Monica's back but..."  
"But what?"  
"She's in a terrible state"  
"where is she?"  
"Dana... Uhh... How do I say this? Before she fell unconscious she said no one is to let you in or tell you what's going on"  
"but why? I'm her partner, I have rights"  
"Dana... Look... She didn't even want you to know she's back, but I couldn't keep it from you"  
"why's she pushing me out? I'm a doctor... I've seen loads of terrible states as you put it"  
"Dana, I can't say anymore. I'm just letting you know she's back"  
Dana gets tearful and deeply upset  
"tell her I said to remind her of her promise to me before she left... I've gotta go. Tell her I love her"  
"ok will do dana, bye"  
She hangs up and calls skinner  
"hi Dana I'm on my way to you, give me ten minutes"  
And she hangs up.  
Soon there's a knock at the door, she opens it and skinner grabs her into his arms  
"I'm sorry Dana"  
"what do you know?"  
"All I know is she's back, in a hospital in a terrible state and she's asked for you to stay away"  
Dana nods  
"that's all Doggett told me. Though I'm her next of kin"  
"Dana, your not"  
"what? How'd you know?"  
"She changed it before she went out on this mission, she was advised to have an agent as her next of kin and not you, and so she picked Doggett. No one knew this till she was back and agent Phillips called him to say he was her next of kin and to get to the hospital"  
"she never told me"  
Dana starts to cry  
"apparently it was done once you left her for the last time"  
"howdy you find out?"  
"I uhh... Confronted agent Phillips in the hallway"  
"confronted him how?"  
"how do you think?"  
"you didn't?"  
"I did and I'm now suspended for a week, I only grabbed his jacket"  
Dana pulls out of the hug and goes to the sofa, skinner follows  
"do you want me to call anyone for you? Mom? Someone?"  
"no, will you stay with me?"  
"of course"  
Dana sat silent listening to skinner talk but not listening  
"I'm worried" she says suddenly  
"why?"  
"Monica gave me this to hold" moving her necklace out from her top "see this?" she says pointing to the ring, he nods  
"that's for me once this was all over"  
"she must love you them"  
"loved me more like. Can you do something for me?"  
"Yes anything"  
"call john, tell him I have something for him to give to Monica"  
"your sure?"  
"Yes. Its hers not mine"  
He nods and gets out his cell  
"john its skinner... Yes I know... Right I'm with Dana... What? Oww ok see you in a minute...bye" he hangs up and turns to Dana  
"Johns on his way to see you, shall I stay?"  
"Yes please don't leave me"  
"I won't, I promise"  
"I've had enough of promises"  
Thy sit silent, waiting for Doggett to arrive. The knock came, Dana looked at skinner,  
"ill get it" he says standing up  
He walked to the door and opened it  
"hi" says skinner  
"hi" says Doggett,  
He steps in looking at Dana  
"hi" he says  
"come sit" she says,  
which he does sitting on the single sofa, he wait for skinner to sit with Dana  
"right, Monica is stable in hospital, she's under gone a few surgeries and may need another. She's talking but she's not the Monica we knew, its scary. She still maintains she doesn't want to see you yet. I'm sorry Dana"  
"its ok, you going back up to see her?"  
"yes I just left to get her some stuff and thought I'd see you"  
"can you give her something for me?"  
He nods, she reaches around and removes the necklace,  
"give her this back for me" she hands it over,  
"ok, ill go now"  
"did you remind her of her promise?"  
He nods sadly  
"she just nodded and changed the subject, I'm sorry Dana"  
He stands and skinner let's him out. When he turns back and looks at Dana she bursts into tears, he runs kneeling in front of her and holds her as she cries.

One day turned to one week, she was unable to cope with anything that reminded her of Monica, she even text Doggett to say she didn't want updates on Monica as clearly she didn't want to know her. She had spent a few days and nights at moms, then at skinners and other nights she spent drunk, she couldn't cope without Monica.  
She went out with mom for the evening on Friday after work for a lovely meal; she was beginning to calm a bit more. She drove home and went in ready for bed, she unlocked the door and stepped in  
"don't turn the lights on" came a muffed voice  
"who is it?"  
"Thanks for that, don't even remember my voice now, has it been that long Dana?"  
She then knew who it was  
"Monica?"  
"Well done Sherlock" she said harshly  
"how are you?"  
"How am I? Do you really wanna know?"  
"yes I do, I love you"  
"you won't..."  
suddenly the lamp by the sofa comes on and Dana sees Monica, well what sort of looked like her, her face is covered in various scars, with Dana's experience some where surgical scars others not so clean, also bruises and smaller cuts, also her chest looked burnt  
"taking a good look at the ugly mess I am doctor Scullly?"  
"your not an ugly mess"  
"don't patronise me"  
"I'm not"  
"what ever I came for a reason, why do I have" she reaches into her jacket pocket "this?" holding up the necklace  
"its yours, your back so I sent it to you"  
"no, you've moved on or your bored of waiting, so you sent it away from you" she sounded angry  
"no neither"  
"then why am I being told your sleeping around skinners and him over here, sleeping in our bed was he, making you feel less lonely while I'm in a hospital bed, alone and in pain?"  
"nothing has or will happen with skinner, its not like that. your not Monica, your still the person you left to be, I'm not going into any of this until your back to yourself"  
"the person I left to be, you make it sound so natural, I didn't have a choice but to change. So if I'm not Monica why'd you send me this?"  
"I was banned from seeing you by you so I didn't know who you were, but you are not my partner inside or out. I can love Monica looking like this but your not her inside"  
"what did you expect Dana? To be gone for three months and come back normal? Well it didn't work"  
"are you getting help?"  
"yes I am, why?"  
"I care, and you need to go back and get more help. When your back to being Monica come back to me. I will wait forever for her, but you need to fight"  
Monica stands,  
"well if I'm not Monica you need to keep hold of this"  
"I can't wear it, ill put it in the jewellery box till she's back"  
Dana takes the necklace, and looks at Monica  
"I love Monica, she needs to remember that"  
"bye Dana"  
"bye"  
Once she left Dana broke down into tears, she couldn't believe what Monica looked like, and what had happened, her mind played over possible ways she could of got those injuries, but the mental ones were worse of all. Monica would never of raised her voice or accused her of cheating, never. She was scared her partner would never come back to her, lost in the occult and the events around it.

Well again it turned days to weeks again, but no message, call or anything from Monica or the person she'd become. Mrs Scullly came round  
"right I've had enough of this were going on holiday"  
"are we?"  
"Yes we are, on Saturday, ill pick you up at five and well go away. Your not working still so were going just us two. If I get here and your not packed ill pack and ill even get skinner here to make you go if I have to"  
Dana knew mom meant it  
"that'll be nice, I need some escape. Thanks mom"  
She strolled up to her and hugged her  
"I love you mom"  
"I love you too. Now ill call you Friday to be sure your packing. See you Saturday"  
"bye mom"  
A holiday sounded great, she could turn off her cell and just relax, leave all the mess behind. Two days to pack and maybe go shopping for some new clothes, she needed a bit of her time.  
Saturday soon arrived and she was very excited, she had warned skinner not to try calling as her cell was going off. She was near enough packed by four when there was a knock at the door, moms early thought Dana, she went across to the door opened it... Stunned... Stood there wasn't mom but Monica  
"hi" says Monica  
"hi"  
Both just stand looking at each other  
"come in" says Dana  
"I'm sorry to come uninvited but I need your professional and personal opinion on something's"  
Dana nods  
"you see I've been to the hospital and they said my scars are healing well but I'm not convinced, can I show you?"  
Dana stays quiet, unsure she can cope with this  
"I trust you" says Monica  
Dan takes a deep breath "ok, show me"  
Monica takes off her coat to reveal a small strappy vest top, showing more scars on her arms and back  
"this one first" she says pointing to a large red one on her forearm  
"can I touch it?" says Dana treading carefully  
"yeah, course"  
Dana touches it, it feels strange to be touching her after so long. She looks at the scar  
"it looks ok, still very red. Can I ask what's it from? And when?"  
"its from the doctors putting pins in to repair the broken arm and wrist, its the second operation I had, just before I came to see you"  
Dana thinks  
"its still a new scar, but I think it'll settle in time"  
"thanks" says Monica smiling "now the other is... On my thigh"  
Dana nods "ill look only if your comfortable"  
"its ok, but no one other than me and my doctors have seen them"  
She slowly undoes her jeans and slides them down, revealing more burn scars and a large cut  
"this one still hurts, this was done when the stupid FBI breached the camp too early, I got sliced, almost got me killed. The doctor said two millimetres to the right I would of died" she said in such a matter of fact way  
"can I touch it?"  
Monica nods, Dana kneels down by her leg, its been a long time for Dana to be down like this in front of Monica but she knows she must keep her mind on the job. She touches the scar, Monica clinches  
"sorry"  
"its ok, but as I said it still hurts"  
"well it looks ok, still badly swollen. Maybe your jeans are rubbing it, your probably best to wear joggers"  
"I don't have any"  
"yes you do"  
"no, there here not at mine"  
Dana stands up  
"I'll get them, stay here"  
Monica pulls her jeans up "ok"  
Dana gets to Monica's draw and pulls out 3 pairs of joggers, she puts them in a bag and walks out, she sees Monica, coat on again, looking at a photo of them together  
"here you go" she says walking over  
"thanks, I forget at times how much fun we used to have, before this"  
"well in time maybe we can have fun again"  
Monica looks at Dana, both aware of the small distance between them  
"what else did you want? I did professional, what was the personal?"  
Monica looks down,  
"nothing really"  
"come on tell me"  
Dana so wants to touch her, as this person more resembles Monica but she knows she's still getting help  
"well, how do I look to you? Compared to the old me?"  
"Well as I said before I can love Monica looking like this but not when she's not inside, you seem better today but how long will it last?"  
Monica looks away  
"not long, then I go back. But I felt good today and just wanted to see you. I hear your going away with your mom! That's nice"  
"yes it is"  
"well ill run, thanks for these, I hope to see you soon"  
"yeah bye"  
"bye"  
And Monica leaves. Dana shuts the door stunned, tingling as she actually touched Monica, in a half professional way. She seemed better, more herself but as she said it doesn't last long. She hopes one day she will break free and be herself always.  
She disturb by a loud knock at the door, she looks out  
"mom your early"  
"was that Monica? Was she just here?"  
"Yes and yes"  
"why? To mess you up further?"  
"No, she wanted my medical opinion on some scars that's all"  
"what did she leave with?"  
"God mom, three pairs of her own joggers she left here. Now can I finish packing so we can go!"?  
"yes dear of course"  
"right sit I won't be long"  
And Dana goes into her bedroom, she needs to know more on how Monica is coping, she gets out her cell and speed dials Doggett  
"you not left yet?" he asks  
"no, not yet. I had a visitor"  
"oww who?"  
"Monica"  
"what? That's bad"  
"in what way john?"  
"Well she's meant to be keeping away from you"  
"what? Why? Who decided that?"  
"she keeps lapsing and her doctor and therapist advised her to keep away from you till she's better"  
"she seems better today"  
"she has good days and my god awful days. Bad days she violent, and aggressive, even I can't handle those days. She's coming back slowly Dana, keep faith"  
"I am I still love her you know"  
"I know you do. Neway have a great time away, well meet up when your back"  
"that'll be nice. See you later"  
She hangs up then puts her final bits in the bag, she takes a last look into the jewellery box at Monica's necklace then leaves.  
"come on mom, let's go"  
"you all ready?"  
"yes, can I know where were going yet?"  
"No, come on let's go"


	3. Chapter 3

Lost

Ch3

Dana soon arrives out the front of an amazing hotel, across from a beautiful large park  
"come on let's book in then we can explore the park"  
"were staying here? Really?"  
"Yes"  
"mom your too much"  
"well I love you and you needed rest and here you can do whatever you want"  
"but mom its the plaza hotel, New York"  
"and?"  
"You can't afford this on your own"  
"that's true but you have a loving brother and two wonderful friends"  
"who?"  
"Well, bill, Walter and john"  
"your all too much"  
And they walk in.  
Once in there room Dana looks out the window, admiring the view.  
"you ok?" asks mrs Scullly  
"yes, its going to great being here, thanks Mom"  
"its ok"

The week soon passed by, Dana spent a lot of time in central park reading and thinking, wondering how Monica and the others were doing at home. Their not far away but far enough, enough she can relax and be free.

Soon they are booking out and travelling back to mrs scully's  
"thanks so much mom for the holiday"  
"its ok, I had fun too"  
They hug then Dana leaves. She feels so refreshed and ready to return to work, she's been off for too long now. She pulls up outside and sees what looks like skinners car. She gets out her bag and walks in  
"hi Dana" calls skinner  
"hi"  
She looks around and spots a panic button in the wall by the door  
"what's this?"  
"Do I really need to answer?" he smiles and jokes  
"but why do I have it?"  
He takes a deep breath  
"Dana, Monica is seriously ill and disturbed, she attacked Doggett put him in hospital"  
"and were both seriously worried for you" comes Doggett's voice  
Dana turns  
"oh my god, John"  
His whole face is swollen and bruised, he can hardly open his right eye, his face shocks Dana, how could Monica of done this to him or anyone.  
"Yeah I know I look awful, I'm just glad it was me and not you. Dana she has completely lost the plot now"  
"when did this happen?"  
"week tomorrow"  
"you should be healing by now"  
"that's what the doctor said but I'm basically recovering from a major accident, I'm due back in hospital tomorrow, they suspect I have many breaks but can't see them yet" he sighs  
"due to the aggression shown I'm just waiting for..."  
His cell starts to ring...  
"Doggett... Yes... I am... Yes for Dana too... She's just got back... Yes I'm about to... No its fine come here... How long? ... Ok... Bye"  
He walks up to Dana and takes her arms  
"look that's her psychiatrist, I'm signing to have her sectioned, she is dangerous and we can't let her go around alone. Please don't hate me"  
"john, I don't hate you; she's done this to you what could she do to someone smaller. Neway its what she needs"  
Both nod and agree  
"even though she's being sectioned, we need to find her first"  
"find her?"  
"Yes she left me after this and no ones seen her since"  
"oww god"  
There comes a knock at the door, skinner looks out and opens the door  
"I'm Doctor Hamilton, you must be Mr Skinner?"  
"Yes" says skinner taking her hand, she steps in  
"and you must be Ms Scullly?" dana steps forward nodding.  
"Right can we sit somewhere to sort this paperwork out then we can set out finding her properly"  
"let's sit at the kitchen table" says Dana.  
They all sit and Dr Hamilton gets out lots of paper work and a pen  
"right" she says "I need you all to understand that this is what's best for my patient. She is completely lost in the trauma she experienced; the worst thing is she may never come back. This could be a permanent thing, and once signed it cannot be withdrawn. But it is in the best interest of her"  
All nod  
"show me where to sign before I change my mind" says john  
"this is for sedation approval, if she becomes violent we will need to sedate her"  
John signs,  
"next the agreement for her medical insurance"  
Sighs again  
"this is the final, the agreement to section her"  
John hesitates, Dana grabs his hand and holds it  
"no one will hold it against you, she needs you to do this, I agree to this and so does Walt. Sign it, save her from herself"  
He nods and signs it  
"thank you Mr Doggett. Now we can start the hunt and start helping her full time"  
Dana keeps hold of john's hand. Dr Hamilton stands up and starts to leave, skinner follows.  
"john your so brave to do this for her, she's going to the right place"  
He nods, then the home phone rings, Dana stands up and goes to it  
"hello"  
"Dana?"  
"Hey mom, miss me already?"  
"Dana I need you to come over"  
Mrs scully's voice changed suddenly  
"mom what's wrong?"  
"I just need you to come over, now"  
Dana gets worried, she s fears the worst  
"mom is Monica there?"  
"Yes"


	4. Chapter 4

Lost

Ch 4

"Ok mom I'll be right over"  
"please hurry"  
Dana hangs up  
"fuck, that fucking bitch" she shouts  
"what's wrong?" says Doggett scared  
"where's Hamilton?"  
"I'm here" she says stepping back in  
"assemble your team, Monica is at my moms"  
"there outside waiting"  
"right you two in a car, ill go on my own, and talk to her. Stay outside, no one comes in till I say"  
Skinner walks in and grabs her arms  
"its wrong and dangerous, you can't go in alone"  
"I won't be alone, Ill have mom and you lot outside. I need to do as she wishes before she hurts mom, you know I'm right? Look at john for proof"  
"ok, ok, what's the word?"  
"What?"  
"You said on your word we enter, what's the word?"  
"Umm... Angel"  
"angel?"  
"Yes I never use the word so when I say it your run. Right Mom always keeps the back door unlocked so you can get in that way. Let's go"  
They all walk out,  
"Dana I don't want you to do this, she's dangerous and gone after your mom to get you" says john  
"look... I know your saying it as you care but this is my mom, Monica is weak in the mind, ill attack her that way and as soon as moms safe ill say the word. Trust me"  
"I do" he says.  
Dana climbs into her car, and calls skinner  
"hey you hear me ok?"  
"Yes"  
"ok its going in my breast pocket so you can hear everything, ok?"  
"yes but I'm scared"  
"I know"  
And she places the phone in her pocket, deep breath and she sets off, thinking all the way how to tackle her without getting her or mom hurt.

She arrives and walks up the doors ajar  
"In the lounge" comes Monica's voice  
Dana steps in, Monica has a large knife in her hand holding it above Mrs Scullly who's sat on the sofa  
"glad you could make it" says Monica  
"what do you want?"  
"To see you"  
"then why not come to mine, why come to moms?"  
"Well I'm bored of seeing your place, fancied a change of scenery"  
"why?"  
"I just did ok?" says Monica angrily  
"right ok, mom you ok?"  
"yes" says mrs Scullly looking terrified  
"so what do you want to see me for?" asks Dana calmly  
"cos I did"  
"but why?"  
Monica just shrugs  
"you know what, that chat we had about you being better was shit wasn't it? Your not better, your worse"  
"what?"  
"We'll, you beat john up badly, your here with my mom at knife point, your not better and you never will be"  
"yes I will"  
"no you won't, even if you do get better your a horrid person now. That face will haunt john, me and mom forever"  
"shut up" shouts Monica  
"right now I don't love Monica, she'd never do this, she'd never even raise her voice to me let alone come to my family home and threaten mom, you know what?"  
"What?" sounding angrier  
"I hate you Monica" the words hurt Dana but she held it in  
"what? No"  
"yes I hate you, I hate you more than Alex krychek, more than the guy who killed my sister, more than the Shadow government who abducted me and even more than the man who ran the shadow government. Your more evil than all of them put together. And I hate you"  
Monica's face dropped  
"what about Mulder? You hate him?"  
"no I don't, he never hurt me or my family, due to his obsession I lost people but nit through his own acts. You beat john, your threatening my mom, its you and I hate you"  
Monica stepped away from Mrs Scullly "go, outside" she says  
Mrs Scullly looks at Dana then runs outside.  
"You used to love me, you used to be my partner, my lover, I thought you were my soul mate"  
"we'll angel that's all dead now"  
Monica looks up and is quickly restrained by two large guys in white suits, thee Doctor Hamilton injects her. She eased down onto a stretcher a third guy wheels in, and tied down.  
"Can I say bye before you go?"  
The doctor nods, Dana moves and looks down on the now sleepy Monica  
"its over, bye"  
And she's wheeled out.  
"well done ms Scullly you dealt with that well, best way to tackle her with her emotions"  
"but I meant most of it"  
"either way, she's in the best hands and place now"  
"yes she is, bye"  
"bye ms Scullly"  
Dana follows her outside and sees the men loading her into the awaiting ambulance. She then sees mom being held by skinner, Doggett walks over  
"hug?" he asks  
"please"  
He moves and hugs her, she starts to shake  
"its ok dana, its over let it out, let it all out"  
And she does, she sobs into his shoulder as he holds her. She calms and feels horrid herself,  
"I don't hate her"  
"I know you don't but it stopped her, no one got hurt, its a good thing and she's off to get help"  
"but what if it is forever? What if she never gets better?"  
"Then we will... Carry on..."  
"Dana" comes mrs scully's voice,  
Dana pulls back from john  
"you ok mom?"  
"I will be, I want to go to bills to get away, are you coming?"  
"I think you should" says john  
"you don't even know who bill is do you?" asks Dana  
"no but your mom must feel safe with him"  
""its my brother. Ill come but I won't stay there"  
"where will you stay?"  
"at mine" announces skinner "she'll be safe with me"  
"you sure?" asks Dana  
"yes I'm sure. Do you want a ride to bills?" asks skinner  
"please, ill need to pack. Can someone help get my case down?"  
"I will" calls john and follows mrs Scullly in, leaving Dana and skinner on the lawn  
"talk to me" says skinner  
"later I'll talk, I need to think for now"  
"ok, I'm here for you"  
"as always"  
"yes"  
John and mom then walk out,  
"bills expecting us all"  
"shall we all go in mine? I can bring you back later Dana to collect your car"  
"ok"  
John carries moms case and puts it in the trunk then sits up front with skinner.  
The journey is silent for a long while, all unsure of what to say, so much has just happened and everyone is in a bit of shock at Dana's 'confession' then tears on johns shoulder.  
"Dana?" says Mrs Scullly breaking the silence  
"yeah"  
"I told bill about your relationship and what's just happened"  
"right?"  
"Just so you know"  
"ok" and she turns away again, looking at the passing cars and places.


	5. Chapter 5

Lost

Ch 5

They arrive and they see bill stood waiting outside, mom gets out first then john,  
"I just need a minute" says Dana,  
Skinner turns  
"ok ill explain to everyone, here's the keys lock it when you get out"  
And he gets outs.  
Soon they all walk inside, leaving her alone in the car. She has so much going on in her head; all she wants to do is go to sleep.  
After five minutes she climbs out, locks the car and goes in  
"hi bill"  
"hey little sis, you ok?"  
She just nods  
"right I'm making coffee want one?"  
"No thanks, I'm not staying long, I just want to sleep"  
"ok no worries. Dana if you change your mind and want to stay here with or without mum you know where we are"  
"thanks bill"  
"I know I don't show it much but I do love you"  
She steps forward and hugs him  
"I love you too bill"

They spent an hour there, Dana was quiet, thinking.  
"oww I forgot" she suddenly said "I forgot to thank you three for my holiday it was amazing"  
"I'm glad you liked it" says bill  
"shall we make a move Dana?" asks skinner  
"yes please"  
They all stand and walk to the door  
"good to see you again Walter, john" says bill shaking their hands  
"bye, thank you both for looking after my Dana" says mrs Scullly  
"no worries". say skinner who follows john out  
"bye mom, bye bill" she says hugging bill then mom  
"your sure you'll be ok with Walter" asks mrs Scullly  
"yes mom, if I'm not ill come here,. I Promise. Love you both, bye"  
"bye Dana" says both and she walks out.

"right well drop Doggett home, then to yours to get your stuff then back go mine and I'm sending you to bed, you need some rest" says skinner  
"yes sir" she replies.

"right Dana, I'm still off work so if you want company or go for a drink call me"  
"will do john, thanks for everything"  
"no worries, bye skinner"  
"bye john"  
And he climbs out.  
"Now to yours. You ok Dana?"  
She nods.

They arrive outside hers and walk silently in,  
"ill wait out here for you" he says sitting on the sofa  
"ok" she says walking into her bedroom.  
As they day went on she feels funny, like she's forgotten something, something important. She packs her bag with a few bits of clothing and essentials then walks into the kitchen  
"need help with anything" calls skinner  
"no its fine"  
She throws away her milk and food about to go off, empties the bin, then looks at her calendar  
"I've got to see my doctor tomorrow, I will see if he'll let me go back to work on office duties, part time"  
"ok, what time?"  
"One thirty"  
"do you want me to go with you?"  
"Won't you be working?"  
"if you want me to I will go, I've got a free couple of hours then neway"  
"thanks" she calls back, then looks again at the calendar  
"Walt what's the date today?"  
"umm... It's the 12th of May, why?"  
Dana's face drops, she knows why's she's feeling funny  
"Dana, why?"  
He suddenly appears in the kitchen and grabs her  
"dana, come on what is it?"  
"I'd of been with Monica a year today"  
"Dana" he holds her tighter  
"I'm ok, let's get out of here"  
He nods and grabs the bin bag, following her towards the door  
"oww ill meet you at the car"  
He nods and walks out, Dana goes to her cupboard and finds a bottle  
"you must of known Mulder" she says and carries it out along with her bag.

At skinners she sits on the sofa,  
"you drinking with me or am I alone?"  
"Your alone" he says handing her a scotch glass "I'm working and driving tomorrow, what will your doctor say?"  
She shrugs "I need this"  
He sits next to her, "so come on tell me while you drink?"  
"Tell you what?"  
"how it all began, you and Monica"  
She shrugs "why?"  
"I think it'll do you good to say it, and I'm interested"  
She smiles "ok" she says pouring a glass from her bottle  
"well I'd always felt such a connection to Monica and the more time we spent together the more I wanted her" she takes a gulp  
"well I always thought it was me being stupid, she always seemed close to john and I suspected they were secretly together"  
Pours another glass  
"so I arranged a girlie night for us, she came over and we had pizza then wine. We got talking about me and Mulder then her and john, so I learnt she wasn't with john" she gulps her drink down again, pours another  
"you'll laugh she thought we may of had a fling" she laughs  
"well guess who made the move between us?"  
He shrugs "Monica"  
"no, I did. I uh... Was asking why she was single, she told me she knew who she wanted but was scared they wouldn't want her back, we'll big hint, so I... I can't believe I'm telling you this" she stops, gulps again  
"carry on"  
"well I said I felt the same, I touched her leg and she didn't move so I moved in and kissed her. We then admitted we wanted each other and that's where we began, a year ago. And now I'm sat here with nothing" she leans back  
"Dana, you have lots of people who love you, it may not be Monica but she's lost... But I'm sure inside she still loves you"  
Dana nods "I can't drink anymore, can I go to bed?"  
"course you can"  
and she walks up to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Lost

Ch6

She saw her doctor with skinner and he agreed to let her go back to work a few hours at a time, settle her back in.  
Days turned to weeks, to a month to six months, now in November planning Christmas and buying presents, planning it to be spent with family, john and Walter. She was back at work full time teaching in Quantico which she loved, and she was back living at home. John was on office duties but was happier; he'd healed well but suffered headaches so wore glasses most of the time. Life settled down and Monica was rarely mentioned, Dana felt it right to move all of her stuff into the spare room, out of sight, out of mind. Though Monica was never far from her thoughts. Mrs Scullly had settled back at home and was happy Dana had returned to normal, she too was busy sorting out Christmas.

February soon came and Dana had some holiday to take, she spent some time with bill who was also on leave. She was sat at home reading, when a knock came at the door, it was too early to be john or skinner, she looks through the peep hole, a face from the past. She opened the door  
"uhh... It is you, I'm very glad you haven't moved"  
"yes, what can I do for you?"  
"Can I come in?"  
Dana steps back, letting her visitor in  
"can we sit?"  
"yes in the kitchen" reply's Dana  
"I would of called but I had no contact number"  
"that's how I wanted it. So what can I do for you?"  
"Well, I've come about Monica"  
"clearly but why?"  
"well its been nine months since she was sectioned and she's doing really really well, off meds, no aggression, not violent its such a change"  
"right?" says Dana, wanting but not wanting to hear  
"well its amazing, but were not sure how much of herself she is, she's been through so much"  
"and you want help?"  
"only if you can help, I know last I saw you were in a state, I'm not asking you to come see her but I want something that holds a memory for her, a picture, a souvenir from a trip"  
"why? What's the point?"  
"We want to see if she has memories as the Monica she was before the trauma"  
"does she know who I am?"  
"Yes she talks of you and john"  
"so if she does remember what does that mean?"  
"Its means she's recovered and has moved on from the events but still holds memories from before"  
Dana thinks "I know" she stands up and walks across to the spare room, she pulls out a photo of her and Monica, and it's been sometime since she's seen it herself. She walks back across  
"show her this" she says  
"don't tell me the memory, can I have a number so I can call you to confirm the story?"  
"yes" Dana notes her cell number on a piece of paper  
"if I choose to, and she passes this test could I see her?" asks Dana  
"It'll be supervised by myself but yes"  
"ok"  
"right ill be in touch soon"  
"ok bye doctor Hamilton"

Dana let's her out then sits on the sofa, so much was running through her mind.  
She makes herself a drink and just sat wondering if it could indeed be true, that Monica was back. If she really was what would it mean for her? Mean for them?  
She sits in the spare bedroom for a bit looking at some of the photos she banished into the boxes, photos, clothes, and smellies. She opened perfume and smelt it, until this moment she hadn't missed Monica. Suddenly her cell rung  
"hello"  
"hello ms Scullly its doctor Hamilton"  
"hello"  
"right I showed Monica the picture and she's told me... Where's my notes? Uh here, it was taken when you'd been together just shy of a month, she convinced you to go away for a long weekend, you stayed in a beautiful hotel this picture was taken by the staff at the hotel looking out over a desert which you said reminded you of when you were hunting for Mulder"  
"oh my god"  
"what ms Scullly? Are you ok?"  
"That's so correct its scary"  
"even the details of what I said"  
"so your confirming the details as correct?"  
"yes all of it is"  
"that's great news, then we can start the process to release her, hopefully in the next few months"  
"that's great, I know visiting was banned but could I maybe come see her?"  
"supervised under my watch and rules, yes"  
"when's best?"  
"Well I'm in a session with her tomorrow morning, can you come about ten? I know that's probably the start of your day"  
"no, actually I'm off work this week, ten is fine"  
"good, do you know where we are?"  
"Yes I've been before"  
"good ill let them know your coming, report to main reception then they will bring you over"  
Ok, thank you. See you tomorrow"  
Dana sat back against the wall, she was going to see Monica... Tomorrow at ten, how did she feel? How had her physical scars healed? Would she really be Monica? Has she come back? She sat thinking all this over for a while then decided to go for a walk.

She woke early the next day, again thinking about seeing Monica,. She got up, showered and sat just thinking. She'd never felt so anxious before, she comforted herself that doctor Hamilton would be in control of the situation and Monica in case she hadn't changed or lapsed back.  
She took a slow drive over, she'd not been here for a long long time but still hated the place. She walked into reception  
"good morning how can I help?" said a young looking receptionist from behind a desk  
"I'm Dana Scullly, Doctor Hamilton is expecting me"  
The receptionist looks at her book  
"uh yes Ms Scullly here you are. Ill just call someone to take you over" she picks up the phone "yes hi Danny, can you come escort a ms Scullly over to B wing?... Yes doctor Hamilton... Ok thank you" she hangs up, then stands  
"right I need to lock away all your belongings, though you are going to the non secure wing we still need to take precautions"  
Dana nods, empties her pockets into her purse and hands it over  
"thank you ms Scullly" she puts in into a locker and secures it.  
"here's your visitors pass, it must be worn at all times"  
"thank you"  
The door behind her opens "ms Scullly?" calls a stocky man  
"that's this lady, Danny will take you over now"  
"thank you"  
And she follows him out.  
"so your here to see Monica?"  
"Yes I am"  
"I worked with her a lot when she was in A wing"  
"what's the difference between the two wings?"  
"A wing is the sectioned patients that are classed as a danger to themselves and others, it's uh... The higher security wing. B wing is still the sectioned patients but for those who are not as high risk and it's a place to see how they cope independently but still with care if needed. That's where Monica is now, we hope she can be released in the next few months but I'm sure you know that"  
"yes she mentioned it"  
He opened a large door and let Dana in first,  
"right do you need a few minutes before you go in? I know it can be daunting"  
"no its ok"  
"ok ill let the doc know your here"  
He knocks and steps into a room, then pops out  
"you can go in, good luck"  
"thank you" and she steps in.


	7. Chapter 7

Lost

Ch 7

She sees two sofa's one with Doctor Hamilton on facing her and on the other facing away, she can see the back of a head, she guesses its Monica. She catches the doctor's eye and she nods, it is as daunting as the nurse said.  
"well Monica you have a visitor" says the doctor  
Monica turns, time stands still, its the first time she's seen her since she had mom at knife point  
"Dana?" says Monica  
"yes, hi Monica"  
"how are you?"  
"I'm nervous but ok, how are you?"  
"I'm ok, surprised but happy"  
"hello doctor Hamilton"  
"hello Ms Scullly, come take a seat here with me"  
Dana does, slowly, deep breaths all the way, Monica watches her. She sits down with the doctor.  
"Now Ms Scullly, I'm sure Monica has a few things to ask, at any point you need air or a break just let me know, same with you Monica. Ok where shall we begin?"  
"I know" says Monica "can I ask you a question Dana? I feel stupid having to ask"  
"ok"  
"who's Mulder?" I remember the name and it's a person but not who it is or was?"  
Dana smiles "Mulder, as in fox Mulder. He was my partner who went missing and john brought you into help find him, which we did"  
"uh yes he was found dead but he wasn't dead, he left soon after and that's when we became closer. I remember him now. Sorry it's bad I had to ask, it was just a name in my head"  
"that's ok, you were never really around him much"  
Monica nods "another question?"  
"Yes carry on"  
"I think I used to call you dana-gater, did you have a name you called me?"  
Dana laughs "that's a funny question, I used to call you moni-kins"  
"oww ok, ill have to remember that, moni-kins, cute"  
"yes suited you"  
They both smile  
"so ms Scullly" says the doctor "how do you think Monica is doing?"  
"well from what I have seen she's doing well, she looks happy and healthy"  
"I am" says Monica "but ill feel better once I'm out of here. Get used to normal people and situations again" she pauses thinking "Dana how is john?"  
Dana expected this question. "John's doing ok, he uh... Under went therapy after what happened, it affected him quite badly. It also took a while for his face to heal as well so now he's office based, wears glasses all the time now. But he's ok"  
"does he talk about me?"  
"Sometimes, it's been hard on me and him, but I know he thinks about you a lot... As do I"  
Monica nods "I was so violent and horrid to him I'm surprised by that"  
"well you two have so much history together before this, he knows the real you and that's who he and I miss"  
"I think I need to go, is that ok doc?" Monica says suddenly  
"if you want to go that's fine, are you coming back?"  
"No"  
"ok. Shall I come see you once Ms Scullly had gone?"  
Monica nods "bye Dana" and walks out  
"Ms Scullly don't feel bad, you were honest which is good, she needs to face head on what did happen. Once she's out she will have to see it for herself, she will have to see john in time, she's drawn to him as she is you"  
"is she going to be ok?" Dana was worried  
"she may lapse a little but its fine, this is her first visit from her actual life, we anticipated this response and questions"  
"lapse how?"  
"She may want quiet time, not eat, sleep more, same as a normal depressive would, she's off meds as I said and no violence for months, but the depression remains. She's made great progress, a little lapse is fine. Do not feel bad. Can I ask a question?"  
"Yes ok"  
"how do you think her scaring looks now? I don't know much about scars and I know Monica went to you for an opinion "  
Dana felt flattered, it had been some time since a professional had asked for her opinion.  
"Well I see through it, all I see is Monica. They look ok, not as red and open. But she looks good and seeing her showing her arms is a big step, she hid them when I saw her before the event at my Moms. But she's doing ok, right? Your really looking to release her?"  
"Yes we are. Well thanks for coming in Ms Scullly. Do you want me to keep you updated on her progress? I can do it monthly"  
"can you? I'd like that. Can you tell Monica I said bye and ill see her soon, I hope?"  
"of course, Danny will be outside waiting to see you out"  
Both stand and Dana walks out  
"hi ms Scullly, ready to go?"  
"Yes... I am"


	8. Chapter 8

Lost

Ch 8

Dana felt bad after seeing Monica, scared her lapse would be bad, and it would be her own fault. She got home and called skinner, who assured her the doctor knew best, and Monica would be fine. Later that day john called her  
"hi Dana, I hear you got called up to go see Monica?"  
"yes, and I went"  
"I know, the doctor wants me to go see her tomorrow"  
"are you going?"  
"Yes, I feel I have to"  
"so her lapse due to seeing me wasn't that bad?"  
"No apparently she went to her room and within five minutes was back out as normal telling the doc how glad she was she saw you and how she felt emotions again. So it was great you went"  
"I'm so glad"  
"I knew you would be, that why I called you. Shall we meet up tomorrow after I see her? Go for dinner?"  
"yeah that'll be great"

Over dinner both agreed she was much better, more like her old self, a little confused on a few small details but both were very happy to know she could soon be back out again.

Days again soon turn to weeks and no news from the doctor, though Dana assured herself that it hadn't quite been a month since she saw Monica.  
She was at work on a break when her cell rung  
"Scullly"  
"hello ms Scullly its doctor Hamilton"  
"hello doctor"  
"well ms Scullly I have news for you, Monica is being released on Monday"  
"3 days away?"  
"yes, she has progressed so much since seeing you and john, we feel its time to release her"  
"wow, that's great"  
"well on Monday I will be with her for the day then its up to her to sort out everything"  
"well financially she's fine, the FBI have been paying out a pension for her since she came back so there's no worries there, she'll just need food"  
"that's great, at least its one less worry for her and us"  
"thank you so much for calling and letting me know"  
"that's ok, will you inform mr Doggett for me?"  
"Of course"  
"ok, by now Ms Scullly"  
"bye"  
Dana hangs up and is full of joy but its soon dampened, how will Monica cope? She has nothing in her place for food or anything; she needs to get john on side for this.  
"Doggett"  
"hi john, you free to speak?"  
"Yeah, you ok?"  
"A little shocked but yes"  
"why?"  
"Dr Hamilton just called, Monica's being released on Monday"  
"this Monday?"  
"Yes"  
"wow, umm... Yeah..."  
"I know, I feel the same. Umm... She's got nothing in the house so could we maybe go over there on Sunday, clean up, get milk and bread, usual stuff, give her a nice place to return to?"  
"Sounds a great idea, welcome her back, will she be with someone on her first day?"  
"Yes the doctor said she will be with her but after that she's alone"  
"ok that's good then she can get some proper independence"  
"exactly, dinner later? You, me and skinner?"  
"sounds great"

Sunday soon arrived, Dana and john set to sorting out Monica's apartment It had been a long time since john had been in there but even longer for Dana  
"it feels weird" says Dana  
"what does?"  
"Being here without her, I've not been in here for so long"  
John smiles "well tomorrow she will be back, and time will tell how back she actually is"  
Both nod and smile.  
Soon the place was sparkling, clean bed sheets, all dusted, new air fresheners, all perfect just how she would like it.  
"ill put her cell on charge, she'll need that tomorrow till her land lines put back on" says john  
There's a knock at the door  
"ill get it" announces Dana as she knows who it is  
She opens the door  
"ms Scullly?" says a young looking delivery boy  
"yes"  
"sign here and here please"  
She does and he hands her a bouquet of flowers  
"have a nice day" he says and leaves  
"who was it?" calls john  
"delivery guy"  
"for what?"  
She steps into the kitchen "these" she answers  
"wow there lovely, who from?"  
Dana laughs, "me to Monica, she loves pink roses so I bought her a bouquet to welcome her back"  
"she'll love them"  
"I hope so"  
"now are we done? Milks in the fridge, bread in the box, anything else?"  
"I don't think so"  
"then let's go"

The next day Dana waited all day eagerly for a call or something but nothing came. She felt a bit let down but knew Monica was changed and needed time. She went to bed feeling glad Monica was out of the hospital but lonely that she wasn't with her.

Dana woke from an uneventful sleep, strolled out of bed to make coffee, she luckily didn't have work that day as her students were taking their exams. It was about eight o'clock and her cell rung, she was concerned as to who it was  
"Scullly"  
"hi Dana its Monica"  
"oh hi"  
"sorry to call this early but I wanted to catch you before work"  
"its ok I'm not working today"  
"oh then I'm sorry to of woken you" said Monica, Dana noting how polite and well spoken she was  
"its fine, I was awake neway"  
"oww ok. How are you?"  
"I'm ok, how are you?"  
Silence for a few breaths "I'm uh... Ok... A little anxious about being at home alone. But what I called for was to say thank you for my flowers... Pink roses, my favourite. You remembered?"  
"yes I did, I just wanted to welcome you home"  
"thanks, did john help cleaning my place up?"  
"Yes he did"  
'thanks so much"  
Silence again...  
"Dana"  
"yes"  
"can I ask you for something? You can say no of course?" Monica sounded worried and scared  
"what?"  
"I need food but I don't know if for my first visit out I want to go alone... Would you..."  
"yes I will"  
"your sure?"  
"Yes. I take it doctor Hamilton just left you to do these things?"  
"Yes, but told me to call my friends if I needed help. I'm guessing your a friend?"  
"Of course, it'll take some getting used to though"  
"I know and I want to try, I really do. II have so much to make up for"  
"and in time it will be better. Well I've only just got up, I need to shower and eat, shall I pick you up bout eleven? We can go wherever you need to"  
"thanks so much Dana"  
"its ok, see you at eleven"  
"yeah bye... Dana"  
She hung up, could she really do this? After all that had happened? She would try, inside she still loved Monica but this would take a lot of time to sort out.  
She had her coffee, showered then set about dressing, trying to not over analyze the conversation she had with Monica, anxious she had said she felt, why was she anxious? Was she lapsing already? Was it her making Monica anxious? She decided to try and talk to her later about it.


	9. Chapter 9

Lost

Ch 9

Soon it was time to leave to pick her up; she took a slow drive but still arrived early. Reluctantly she got out of the car and walked up to the door, and knocked, after a few seconds the door opens, stood in front of her is Monica, with a towel around her hair  
"hi, come in"  
Dana steps in, "I'm a little early"  
"its ok, I just needed to wash away the hospital smell, if there is such a thing or it may just be me"  
"no I know what you mean, when I had cancer and spent ages in hospital all I wanted to do was get home and shower. It makes you feel better too"  
Monica nods "it sure does, ill just go change then we can go"  
"ok" says Dana.  
She stays exactly where she was as she has no desire to upset Monica, she feels as though she is treading on egg shells as it is. Monica re appears in jeans, long sleeved black roll neck jumper and boots, Dana likes her in this outfit and can't help but admire her new slimmer shape in it  
"yes I know I'm hiding, but I'm conscious of my scars and I've not been out in public for... Forever"  
"Monica its fine, I was just admiring your new shape. You've altered, they fit you differently"  
"we'll if you'd been where I've been so would you" Monica sounded defensive  
"Mon, I meant it as a compliment not as an insult. I don't know where you've been, or what you've been through but you look good. I just think you need some new clothes" Dana assures her  
"really? Even with added scars?"  
"Well I've not seen your scars in ages and that was only a quick glimpse, as a professional not as a friend"  
"one day"  
"ok. Shall we go?"  
"yeah, ok, you'll stay with me won't you, I'm a bit scared"  
Dana steps closer "I'm here for you, as much as you need me"  
"thanks, though I don't deserve it. Ill just grab my list"

The shopping trip went OK, Monica was very conscious of people looking at her scars but Dana assured her it could also be because she's a tall, dark woman with a lovely figure.  
Back at Monica's Dana helps her unpack the shopping  
"thanks for coming with me today"  
"its ok"  
"no, it meant a lot to me"  
Dana steps forward to comfort Monica in this moment but she quickly steps away...  
"Dana...I."  
"No I'm sorry"  
"no don't be" she takes a deep breath "its not you Dana it's me. When I was at the camp... I was..." she pauses  
"you don't have to explain"  
"I want to... I was seen comforting another female member and I was used as a example of what they do to gays..." she turns and pulls up her top revealing her stomach "I was burnt with boiling water everyday for five days, for being gay" she pulls her top back down "The pain in ingrained on my mind, but I'm fighting it"  
Dana tries to smile but can't  
"I know its hard to hear, its just as hard to say. Want a drink?"  
"please"  
Monica pours then both a juice  
"can we sit on the sofa?" asks Monica  
Dana nods, still processing the small part of Monica's torture and seeing her damaged stomach. They sit next to each other  
"Dana can I talk openly with you about where I've been?"  
Dana feels she must listen and know it; she nods  
"well most of my scars are from fighting. We had to fight someone else to eat for the day; I usually got paired with the men. This big long one" she says running her finger down the scar on her face  
"was done by a guy with a knife, needless to say he won that fight. I was also frequently punished as the head woman didn't like so she would say I'd done stuff and that's how I ended up with so many broken bones. I dread winter coming, I'm going to cease up so much"  
Dana can't believe she is hearing this, its awful and horrid, no wonder Monica flipped when she came back, all she knew was violence.  
"You see how I was so messed up. You remember my leg scar, the leader did that, his wife the woman leader started on me while I was asleep, beat me proper then said I'd attacked her so while I'm in and out of consciousness he was trying to carve his name in my leg. Well the FBI breached the camp found where I was and yeah when they grabbed him he drew the knife in and across, as I said two millimetres to the right and I would be dead"  
Dana felt tears ready to fall  
"Dana, I'm sorry this upsets you but I want to be honest with you from the beginning, get all this crap out in the open then we can go forward"  
"I'm sorry"  
"don't be, its fine. I'm ok with it now, and you know so it's fine. I just want to get on with my life now"  
Which to her word Monica did.


	10. Chapter 10

Lost

Ch 10

Days turned to week to months, in this time Dana and Monica were seeing each other more and becoming close again. Seeing each other at least four days a week was great for them both, and Monica was changing so much back into the old Monica, though on some days she would feel low and lock herself away but that was to be expected. At times Dana found it hard to not just reach out and touch Monica, not even sexually, just stroke her arm or touch her leg; it was hard for her but soon came a surprise.  
One evening they sat as usual enjoying a good chat and some wine.  
"Dana, can I ask something?"  
"Yeah"  
"will you stay tonight?"  
This hit Dana, she was shocked and overwhelmed with emotions, she wanted to but was worried  
"I can if you want me to, everything ok?"  
Monica reached over and took Dana's hand in hers  
"I'm fine, I just want to spend more time with you"  
"that's fine. Is my stuff still in the draw?"  
Monica thinks "yes unless you took it back"  
"no, then its here"  
"good. You sure it's ok you staying?"  
Dana puts her other hand on top on Monica's "its fine"  
"your too good to me"  
"no, I just care"  
"well ill go wash and change then you can, ok?"  
"yeah fine, ill wash the glasses while your gone, shout when your decent"  
"ok" Monica stands pulling Dana up "I've missed this"  
"missed what?"  
"just sitting being comfortable holding your hand"  
"is it nice to be like that?"  
"yes, at last it is" she let's go and walks towards the bedroom as Dana picks up their empty glasses  
"you do know I mean stay in my bed with me, right?"  
Dana turns "I will sleep wherever you want me to"  
Both nod and Monica goes into the bedroom leaving Dana with her thoughts, worrying a bit as she'd not been in a bed with Monica for so long and she was changed, holding hands was a big step, what else did Monica want or need?.  
She washed up, still thinking when Monica called her  
"ok, just coming" she called back,  
She went to the bedroom door, and slowly pushed it open, as she did she saw Monica sat on the corner of the bed, in a vest and shorts, all her scars and skin visible  
"hey, you ok?" asks Dana  
"yeah just putting my cream on"  
"what cream? Smells nice"  
"cocoa butter, its good for scars. I know some of these will never look much better but it makes my skin feel nice, see" she says holding out her arm, Dana steps forward and lightly strokes her arm  
"so it does, right my turn" she quickly pulls back from Monica and finds the bottom draw that should hold her stuff  
"you ok Dana?"  
"Yeah" she lies  
"no your not"  
"ok, I'm not, sorry"  
"why? And why you sorry?"  
Dana finds her vest and shorts for bed,  
"is it ok if I sleep in my vest and shorts?"  
"yes but don't change the subject"  
Dana stands and looks at Monica "I am ok, just worried"  
"why?"  
"Well, umm... It's been a long time since I've touched you and it..."  
"Feels weird yes I know, I touch my skin everyday" interrupts Monica  
"no, that's not what I was saying, it scares me, I don't want to upset you or cause a lapse, I know where you've been remember? And what happened to you"  
"I know you do, and you've been understanding but now I want to try being me again, with you I mean. I trust you, and I know you don't judge me by how I look or feel"  
"ill make sure you always take lead until you say differently. I'm glad you feel ok for me to touch you"  
A silence comes over them, just looking at each other  
"ill go wash and change" says Dana and walks into the bathroom.  
She's growing more worried about being in bed with Monica, she guesses Monica is sleeping in the set she has on which means more skin to resist touching. She looks at Monica and sees the wonderful partner she had before, the one who she loved and enjoyed great pleasure with in bed but she must remember, its not that Monica, it may go that way but it could be a long time coming.  
She washes and changes, one last look in the mirror, deep breath and she steps out, Monica is sat on the bed waiting.  
"hey" she says  
"hey, you ok?" asks Dana, she needs to be sure this is what Monica wants  
"yeah, coming?" she replies patting the bed next to her  
Dana slowly walks around to her side and sits on the bed next to Monica, who takes her hand  
"you look scared, you don't have to stay or even just in here with me"  
"I know, part of me is dying to the other is scared"  
"why?"  
"As I said earlier, and I can't trust myself with you"  
Monica nods "its ok Dana, it will be fine just relax"  
At that Monica lies down on her side facing Dana, she follows suit.  
"You said I could take lead in any touching?"  
"yes"  
Monica takes Dana's hand and guides it up to her cheek, on contact Dana's feels ripples all though her, she shuts her eyes and enjoys the sensation, finally feeling skin under her fingers  
"you ok?" asks Monica  
Dana opens her eyes "yes, fantastic"  
"good" Monica's hand slips around Dana's waist,  
More ripples, she gently strokes her cheek, Monica closes her eyes, she clearly is enjoying this too.  
"dana?" she whispers  
"yeah" whispered back  
"can I kiss you?"  
Danas body tensed and was crying out for this  
"yes"  
Monica opened her eyes "yes?"  
"Yes"  
Slowly Monica starts moving in towards Dana, the gap growing smaller  
"moni-kins?"  
"yes"  
"I still love you"  
And their lips joined, only for a moment, then Monica pulled back  
"you ok?" asked Dana  
"yes"  
And she moves in again, this time with more feeling, more need, both feel it, getting lost in the kiss.  
Its Dana who pulls back "Mon, this is going fast, we need to slow down"  
"we do, if one of us says stop that's it, ok?"  
"ok"  
And they resume kissing, but it gets more fuelled and becoming out of control  
"Mon, I need to stop"  
Monica pulls back "ok" she says sadly  
"I don't want to push you too far, to fast. Sorry"  
"its ok, I'm feeling sleepy neway"  
"ok"  
One last kiss and they settle down to sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

Lost

Ch 11

Dana wakes up in the bed alone, she looks around and no sign of Monica. She gets up "Monica?"  
No reply so she goes out of the bedroom, she sees Monica sat on the bar stool at the kitchen counter,  
"you ok?" she calls, no reply,  
She can tell Monica's not happy, maybe even lapsing  
"shall I go?" no reply or movement  
"ok ill go"  
Danas steps back in the bedroom, she wants to cry but is holding it in till she's left. She quickly dresses and walks back out. She walks past Monica heading for the door,  
"call if you need anything, bye" no reply  
She walks out and towards her car, she can't handle this, she's hurt Monica and she too is clearly upset. She gets out her cell  
"skinner?"  
"Hi Walt its Dana, sorry it's early"  
"its ok, what's up?"  
"Can I come over? Please"  
"yeah give me half an hour"  
"will do, see you then"  
"you ok?"  
"Not really"  
"ok see you soon, bye"  
She hung up and took a slow drive over, she felt awful, was this the end, again? Was it because she said stop? Because she said she loved her? Was it her calling her moni-kins? Or was it just a bad morning? So much flooded her mind but she didn't know but she knew to leave Monica to it, she'd call her when she was ready to.  
She arrives at Walt's place, she doesn't even knock and he's there holding her,  
"what's wrong? What happened?" he asks concerned  
"I think I've made a big mistake"  
"how?"  
"Can we sit?" he pulls back and guides her to the sofa  
"Walt... I went over Monica's last night and she asked me to stay over... Which I did, yes I know I shouldn't of"  
"I didn't say or think a thing"  
"well, I stayed in her bed and she asked to kiss me, I said yes and yeah we did but we got so into it and I stopped it,  
"right" urges skinner  
"I got up this morning alone in her bed, I found her sat on her stool, she wouldn't look at me or say anything so I left. I'm worried sick that what happened has affected her, that she's lapsing"  
"Dana, I'm sure she will be fine, she may just be unsure how to feel and scared she's upset you. Give her time as you usually would if she were having a lapse"  
"am I bad though? I mean for kissing her"  
"did it feel wrong?"  
"no"  
"then its fine, sooner or later it was going to happen, your drawn to each other, weather its right or wrong its how you two are"  
"thanks Walt"  
"what'd I do?"  
"Being my listener"  
"it's ok. Now you eaten yet?"  
"No"  
"right breakfast"

Dana spent most of the day with skinner then went home. At bedtime there was still no word from Monica, she crawled into bed and felt alone, she wanted to be with Monica, even just to sleep but it wasn't going to happen.  
Sunday soon passed and still no word from her, Dana grew more and more worried.


	12. Chapter 12

Lost

Ch 12

Monday morning soon came and Dana got ready for work, she had a lot of lectures to give and work to mark, it was going to be a busy day for her, help keep her mind off of Monica.  
That evening Dana got home and called skinner  
"hey, how are you?"  
"I'm ok Walt, how are you?"  
"I'm tired but ok, anything from Monica?"  
"No, I'm worried"  
"yeah I know you are how was your day?"  
"busy, lots of lectures and marking"  
There a knock at the door  
"gotta go Walt, ill call you later"  
"ok bye"  
She walks to the door and opens it, she surprised, stood before her is Monica  
"hi" she says  
"hi, can I come in?" asks Monica  
"yeah" Dana steps back then shuts the door "what can I do for you?"  
"don't sound too happy to see me"  
"I am, just surprised"  
"yeah, I'm sorry"  
"you ok?"  
"Yeah...I'm fine...I uh... Had to see the doc this morning"  
"oww"  
"it was just so she can keep an eye on me. I go once a month remember?"  
"yes I do, did you tell her what happened between us?"  
"Yes, is that a problem?"  
"no just asking"  
"can we sit and talk Dana?"  
"I need a drink" says Dana walking into the kitchen  
She gets a glass down and stands at the sink, she feels sick, she can't handle this after the day she's had. She feels hands come around her waist and feels Monica hug her.  
"Yes?" says Dana  
She feels Monica lean her chin on her shoulder "what's wrong?"  
"I'm tired"  
"ok but I need to talk to you about the other night"  
Dana nods and turns around, Monica leans on the sides of the sink, still close to Dana  
"Dana, firstly I'm sorry about Saturday morning and going quiet for two days"  
"its ok"  
"no its not, but ill get to that. Friday night being with you was amazing, I felt so alive and safe, and when you said you loved me, I was amazed. I love you too, I didn't tell you as I was so focused on you. But why did you stop us? I thought you were enjoying it, did I do something? Or was it not right for you? I know I've changed a lot"  
Dana sighs "Mon... To me this is all new, I feel I'm entering into a new relationship and I want to take it slow, I was enjoying it but I was scared"  
"why scared?"  
"because I love you so much and I don't want to hurt you, not physically but mentally, but I did that, didn't I?"  
"no"  
"yes, when I woke alone I knew something was wrong, seeing you sat there not talking or moving I knew I'd hurt you, and you were lapsing"  
"you didn't hurt me, I wasn't hurt at all, I'd felt so much the night before but I only slept a little and I woke thinking, and it all lead to how beautiful you are and how your wasted with me"  
Dana moved her hand to Monica's cheek, it was an involuntary movement "don't say that"  
"but that's what I was thinking, it all came back how I hurt you, how I attacked your mom and tore us apart. I'm not going to lie to you Dana, so when you got up I was deep in my thoughts, I didn't hear you go. So I'm sorry"  
"no need to be sorry. But all this doesn't matter, were starting again, starting a fresh. You weren't you when all those things happen. I know those thoughts will come back but I want you to tell me when they do so we can talk it through"  
"but its usually late night or morning"  
"then wake me or call me, you don't have to fight this on your own"  
Monica wraps her arms around Dana and hugs her, "your too good to me"  
"no I just love you"  
"I love you too"  
Monica pulls back and leans in to kiss Dana and she let's her, their lips join, its gentle, so much promise is in this kiss. Monica pulls back  
"you ok?" asks Dana  
"perfect. But you do realise when I'm slipping I will be waking or calling you"  
"I hope you do"  
"I thought you were getting a drink"  
"I was but I have something else I'd rather do"  
"what's that?"  
"This" and she pulls Monica into her lips again.  
They spent the rest of the evening talking and just enjoying being together.  
"I'd better go you'll need to sleep"  
"will come over tomorrow and stay over? I'm off on wendnesday, we could spend the day, if your free"  
"of course I'm free, I'd like that. What time shall I come over? About 7?"  
"Yes that great"  
They stand and walk to the door  
"see you tomorrow dana-gater, sleep well"  
"bye moni-kins"  
They kiss and Monica leaves.  
Dana goes into the spare room and gets the boxes of Monica's stuff and starts putting it all back in the draw ready for tomorrow. Dana feels excited but still a bit worried about Monica staying over, but wants to start moving their relationship on and actually be together

Dana woke in the morning feeling fresh and ready for the evening. During the day she was busy marking when she cell started to vibrate on the desk, its a text from Monica.  
'Hi ya, I just wanted to tell you I'm very excited about later, butt a little scared too but I will be over about 7. Have a great day, love you'  
Dana heart melted, this was such a sweet thing for Monica to do, what could she reply?  
'Hi, I feel the same but I know it'll be fine. See you later, love you too' sent...  
Dana felt great now knowing they both felt the same about the pending evening and night. Also that they can easily say I love you.  
Her day soon ended and she popped into a small shop down town on her way home  
"can I help you?" asked the mature assistant  
"yes, I'm looking for a gift for my partner, we've had a tough time but now its great"  
"well these are some of our best ones, each has a meaning which I can tell you, which are you most drawn to? That will be the one to buy"  
"I like that one"  
"good choice, its for forgiveness and love. Shall I wrap it for you?"  
"please"  
Once all wrapped and paid for "I'm sure your partner will appreciate the gift, I would if I were her"  
"thank you, bye"  
Dana walks out very happy with her purchase, hoping Monica will like it. She drove home and set to sorting out what to wear, this was going to be a special evening so she had to dress just right. Black skinny jeans and silk blouse, she knew Monica liked this set, once all set there's a knock at the door, she walks over and opens it, in front of her is an unwell looking Monica  
"you ok?"  
Monica shrugs  
"come in" says Dana and leads her to the sofa "what's wrong? Are you ill? Lapsing?"  
"I'm... I'm... Not feeling right, I'm not ill or lapsing, I just don't feel me, sorry"  
"its ok, don't be sorry. Anything I can do to help you?"  
Monica nods "just hold me"  
Dana instantly throws her arms around Monica and pulls her into her.  
She sits holding her for a long while  
"I was thinking today, your missing two main things in you life, one is good to be gone" she pauses  
"what's that?"  
"Smoking, do you know what else your missing?"  
Monica pulls back "no what?"  
"Shall I go get it?"  
Monica nods "ok"  
Dana gets up and walks into the bedroom, she goes to Monica's draw and collects her jewellery box. She walks back out, and sits back down  
"do you remember what's in here?"  
Monica shakes her head "no"  
"open it"  
Monica does, "my necklace with my charms"  
"you gave it to me when you left, I wore it for a bit till you came back then you came over angry and told me to hold it till I thought you were back"  
"I remember, you kept it all this time for me?"  
"Of course, till yesterday I forgot I even had it"  
"you know these things can hold energies don't you? And if its apart from the wearer it can make them ill?"  
"I've heard that, so maybe now its back you may feel a bit better"  
"maybe"  
"but first I have a gift for you"  
"a gift, for what?"  
"Well because I can and I wanted to"  
Monica nods  
"won't be a second"  
Dana goes to stand but Monica grabs her "I love you"  
"I love you too" and they kiss.  
Dana pulls back and walks across to the kitchen, bringing a bag back  
"that shops not still open is it?" asks Monica  
"yes I went in there today and the same lady runs it"  
"you went in? On your own?"  
"Yes why?"  
"Miss sceptical goes to a healing shop, on her own to buy me a gift?"  
"Yes, I know you used to like the shop and its stuff so I went in. Here" she says handing over the bag  
"thank you" says Monica  
She opens the bag and pulls out a small purple velvet bag, she pulls it open and pulls out a small package. Dana watches Monica eagerly, she opens the paper and picks up a silver charm "its beautiful"  
"I knew you'd like it"  
"what does it mean?"  
"Forgiveness and love"  
"you chose it for the meaning?"  
"No I was drawn to it"  
"drawn to it?"  
"yes I looked into the cabinet and I was instantly drawn to it, and the woman said to get the one I'm drawn to so I picked that one and she told me the meaning"  
"wow, you felt vibrations and your admitting it. I love it, thank you" she leans in and kisses her.  
Monica then gently puts her new charm on the necklace  
"you'll have to get used to it digging in you again" laughs Monica  
"oww yeah I forgot about that. But I don't mind"  
"good" she puts it back on  
"god I have missed this, now is it bed time? I'm tired"  
"yeah can be"  
"good" Monica stands and takes Dana's hand, "come on then" and she leads her to the bedroom.


	13. Chapter 13

Lost

Ch 13

Once in the bedroom Monica snaked her arm around Dana's waist, and pulled her into her lips.  
"Your too good to me" says Monica  
"no I'm not, I just love you"  
"what does all this mean?"  
"All what?" Dana's stunned by the question  
"this, you and me, kissing, spending time, what does it all mean? For us?"  
"What do you want it to mean?"  
"Maybe we can be together again, or at least begin to try"  
"you want to be together"  
"don't you?"  
"Yes, of course. So let's get back together"  
"really?"  
"Yes, really"  
"wow ok"  
Monica leans in and kisses her.

They hug for a bit but she feels Monica's mood had changes  
"I can' believe were back together, but your really sure?" asks Monica  
"yes I am"  
"what about mom?"  
"Ill go see her tomorrow evening after we spend the day together, she needs to know first"  
"won't she be angry? After all what happened? After what I did?"  
Dana moves and puts her hand on Monica's cheek  
"it wasn't you, you didn't do anything, you were lost and needed help, you got it and now your back, mostly"  
"but will mom believe that?"  
"She knows I won't do anything to endanger myself or anyone. It will take time coming around to the idea but its my life and I want to share it with you"  
Monica just looks at Dana  
"talk to me" urges Dana worried  
"about what?"  
"What your thinking?"  
"I'm thinking maybe us together is a bad idea"  
"what? Why? You don't mean that"  
"I do, I could of killed your mom that day, weather I intended to or not, had she fought me or I slipped I could of killed her, or you"  
"but it wasn't you was it? It was the monster you were made into by the occult"  
"but what if it comes back and I do really hurt you?"  
"You won't, you can't hurt me"  
"but I hurt john"  
Dana moves back a little from Monica, she really didn't like this at all and was growing concerned  
"do you want to be with me? If you don't just say, we can carry on as we were without the commitment, I don't like this conversation at all"  
Monica moves towards Dana  
"I'm just scared, I have bad days and I don't want those to hurt you mentally or me to hurt you physically. It's still in me, that monster but it's under control"  
"Monica the first time you raise your voice, accuse me of being unfaithful or I feel threatened I will throw you out. I know these are the signs of you loosing it"  
"what? I've never done that"  
"you did when you came round upset as I sent john to you with your necklace. That's how I knew you weren't you"  
"what? I did all that?"  
"Yes, but as I said you were loosing it"  
"I don't remember. Who did I accuse you of being with? Sorry if talking about it upsets you, I just want to know. I'm shocked"  
"no it's fine; I don't want it to upset you. It was Walt you said I was cheating with"  
"what? I trust him, more than anyone with you"  
"well, can I tell you something?"  
Monica moves her hand to dana's cheek "what?"  
"You may not like it. When you were gone I struggled, I spent many nights not sleeping, I didn't eat much and I spent a fair bit of time drunk. So to keep an eye on me mom and Walt took it in turns to stay with me or I stayed with them. When you accused me you said you'd heard I'd been sleeping over Walt's and him here. I'm guessing john told you but not the reason why"  
"so this was when?"  
"when you were away for the three months then when you were back and banned me from seeing you"  
"well I will Tell you why"  
"you don't have to"  
"no I want to, I banned you as I couldn't face seeing you, I didn't want to see the sympathy or the repulsion on your face. But not seeing you I think made me worse, gave me ideas of what you could have been doing without me around and who with. Were such a mess aren't we?"  
"Do you mean that?" this was now upsetting her was this really a mistake?  
"Well not now but we were before weren't we? When I was gone then firstly back?"  
"Yes I guess so, but were happy aren't we? I mean now, this is all past that's lead to this moment, to us being here again now back together"  
"I think its made us stronger"  
"so do I, were much more honest and open than before"  
"yes we are" Monica yawns "can we go sleep now?"  
Dana strokes Monica's hair and face "yes"  
They take it in turns to go into the bathroom to change for bed. Monica puts on her cream while dana's in the bathroom,  
"I love the smell of that stuff" says Dana  
"I've got a pot to leave here"  
They crawl into bed, Dana feels better for having everything out in the open with Monica and happy they are officially together again.  
"I love you" says Dana  
"I love you too"  
they cuddle up and Dana is soon asleep.  
Next Dana knows she's being shaken  
"Dana... Hunny" she can hear Monica  
She opens her eyes "you ok?"  
"I need you"  
Dana rubs her face, hoping Monica is ok, but glad she did wake her "ok, come here" and Dana opens her arms


	14. Chapter 14

Lost

Ch 14

Monica goes into them and pulls Dana into her lips; it's a gentle kiss to begin then becomes more frantic and hungry. Dana responds, its set her alight, craving to touch Monica but knows she must hold back till she says. One of Monica's hands goes to her cheek holding her to her lips and the other goes up her top, Dana's cries out at the contact  
"ok?" asks Monica  
"oh yes" she relies  
She's dying to touch Monica now but still holds back, she promised to Monica it would all be up to her, but she needs to touch her, her skin is on fire from the contact, she needed to make Monica feel the same.  
"Dana, touch me"  
She wanted to be sure "yeah?"  
"Oh yes"  
That was it permission granted, her hand straight away went up the back of Monica's top. Every bump, every scar, over her wonderful slimmer body. Monica pulled back from kissing  
"your amazing"  
"so are you"  
Monica moves a little and starts kissing her neck, Dana needs her so much, its been so long and now it means so much more  
"Mon?"  
"Yeah"  
"can we move a bit?"  
"Yeah, can you turn the lamp on? I want to see you"  
Dana smiles, rolls and turns it on, the sight of Monica in the gently light sets her alight again, it frames her face and skims over the scars, but to Dana she is still beautiful. Monica moves keeping Dana down on her back, she helps her spread her legs then she's in-between them, she lowers herself down so she's fully on top  
"better?" whispers in Dana's ear  
"yes"  
"good"  
Monica starts kissing and nibbling Dana's neck, she loves this, but even better she loves Monica on top, in control, dominant over her, she never let anyone be like this over her but she loved it like this with Monica. Dana couldn't help but moan, Monica knew exactly what to do and where, she'd not forgotten.  
"can I?" asks Monica,  
Dana looks down and sees she has hold of the bottom of her top "yes"  
Monica smiles, "can I too?" she asks,  
It stuns Dana, its been progressing slowly but now it is time to get it started properly "if I can help you, yes"  
Monica smiles "off course"  
She leans back, allowing Dana a chance to move up and she helps her out of her top,  
"wow your as amazing as I remember" smiles Monica  
"your turn?" asks Dana, wanting to be sure it was posed as a question in case she was worrying  
"yes, help me"  
Dana sits up a bit more, she's trying not to shake, she's waited a long time to be stripping her but this isn't her normal partner, she's new and conscious of her body, she takes hold of each end of her top and slowly pulls it off, revealing Monica's lovely changed body, she instantly pulling her into her body so their chests are together,  
"uh Dana" says Monica as their skin joins  
"you ok?" says Dana becoming breathless with excitement  
"yes, you make me feel amazing"  
Monica slides back down and Dana follows suit, keeping the skin contact, Dana wants to explore Monica's body with her hands and eyes but doesn't want to spoil the moment, she's laying topless below a topless Monica. The kissing and touching resumes, each moaning in turn as they both grow more aroused, wanting and needing more. Dana's hands take on a mind of there own and soon find Monica's butt, she pulls her up towards her and grinds against her, she instantly panics worried this will push Monica too far  
"umm... That's nice" moans Monica "you want more, do you?"  
Dana panics, can she say yes? Should she say yes?  
"with you, always"  
Dana moves her hands up to Monica's arms and shoulders she starts massaging them, she feels Monica tense, she stops  
"don't stop"  
So she starts again, Monica is at her neck kissing again and her hands are moving to dana's breast.  
"use your nails" asks Monica  
As told Dana does, she finds the scar on Monica's arm she saw when she came round for advice, it feels large but the skin is soft,  
"your skins like a butterfly's wing" she says  
Monica chuckles then goes back to teasing dana's left breast and nipple with her thumb. Dana starts to gently run her nails over her arms and shoulders  
"uh... Yes" groans Monica "more"  
Dana does, Monica never usually asked for or demanded anything in bed but Dana was enjoying this  
"harder" groans Monica  
She does and Monica starts getting throaty and breathless, whilst the groans keep coming, Monica is as dana's neck the sucking grows harder, while her hands carry on, but growing rougher.  
"oh my god Dana" Monica kept saying,  
She started breathing even faster, Dana knew what this was doing to Monica and where it was heading,  
"Dana..."  
"yeah"  
Monica let go of Dana's breast and moved it to the side of the bed, she gripped the sheet with her left hand,  
"never... stop" says Monica  
Dana carries on, digging her nails in more while wrapping her legs around Monica, so she can get some pleasure too, she wants to feel this full force, she's saying never stop so she's going to go on till Monica cums. She's never heard Monica make such noise in bed, this is coming from deep inside her, she needs this more than ever before, she's moved to dana's collar bone, its biting and nibbling than sucking but Dana loves this  
"oww... Dana... Dana... Uhhhhhh"  
She's quickly at dana's shoulder, she bites down, teeth burying deep into the flesh. Dana feels Monica's whole body tighten above her, as she cums, she feels her shudder and it lasts sometime.

Finally Monica moves from Dana's shoulder, let's out a deep breath, and moves her arms to above Dana's head and rests her forehead on Dana's, attempting to regain her breath. Dana looks deep into her eyes, she moves her arms up to stroke Monica's hair,  
"you ok?" asks Dana  
Monica shakes her head, this instantly concerns her, what could be wrong? Worried she will think she's weird as she loves being clawed? Again so much flooded her mind, she moves her head so Monica moves up so she can see her face  
"what's wrong?"  
Monica swallows "I... Have never... Felt such a fierce... Orgasm... It's knocked it out of me"  
"but your ok?"  
Monica moves a hand to dana's cheek  
"fantastic, once I can breath again"  
Dana smiles back, "good I was worried when you shook your head"  
"I'm fine, but wow Dana" she looks down "opps"  
"what?" asks Dana trying to see what Monica sees  
"I've left my mark twice. The second looks nasty. Sorry babe"  
Dana shrugs "I love it when you bite me; good thing I do isn't it? Its fine as long as I can hide it for work"  
"the first you'll need to wear a collar for a few days, the seconds fine"  
"good. You ok now?"  
"No" says Monica looking sad  
"what now?"  
"I didn't tell you I love you, I just made demands"  
Dana laughs as a smile creeps across Monica's face  
"I always told you during love making didn't I?"  
"yeah but its fine. Next time. I love you too" replies Dana, she wraps her arms around Monica "you coming back down for a snuggle?"  
"sounds good" says Monica moving down  
Once she's level with her she smiles, Dana wraps her arms around her,  
"your still shaking" says Dana  
"I know, but wow" she kisses her "I love you"  
"I love you too"  
Monica yawns  
"you tired? Shall we sleep again?"  
"Yeah sounds good"  
Monica rolls off of Dana and onto the bed  
"sleep well hun" says Monica as she turns the lamp off  
then snuggles into Dana.

Monica falls asleep in her arms but Dana lies wondering what happens next? Will this be a turning point or if it will cause a down fall again for Monica?

She must of fallen asleep as she woke alone, topless and cold she sat up  
"Monica?" she calls,

waits a few seconds "Monica" nothing,

she felt even colder and alone, she'd done it again, she let the moment take over and she'd pushed Monica over the edge, again. She couldn't keep doing this to Monica or herself, she laid back down, pulled the pillow to herself and started crying, she loved Monica so much but couldn't carry on like this but she couldn't be without her, the tears start pouring down her cheeks, she can't handle this.


	15. Chapter 15

Lost

15

"You shout? I was making coffee" comes a voice

Dana rolls over, its Monica she's not left

"Dana, what's wrong? My god" says Monica as she jumps into the bed and grabs Dana into a crushing embrace,

"What's wrong? Talk to me please"

Dana tries to calm herself, with little luck, the tears still fall even though she has Monica with her, and she grabs hold of Monica's vest with a tight grip.

"Come on Dana, talk to me. What's wrong? I've never seen you like this"

"Just... Hold me"

"I am, I'm not moving"

They lie just holding each other, Dana soon felt herself calm, the tears stopped. This crushing embrace meant so much to both of them, this was what they each needed, Dana moved first, she moved up closer to Monica's face and kissed her, "I love you" she says

"I love you too, you ok now?"

"Yes"

"What was wrong? You scared me"

"Sorry, I just woke alone thinking I'd hurt you again or caused another lapse. I need to feel you close but after last time I was scared, I promised myself not to push you again. I was scared I had and you'd run"

"Dana, I'm sorry about last time but I asked for what happened, it was amazing, I've never felt so good and I'm full of the joys of living today. I will lapse again, we both know that but it won't be over us or what we do. I'm fine with us like this now"

"Ok"

"Dana, not just ok. Talk to me"

"I'm just scared ill cause a lapse"

"Dana do you love me?"

"Yes"

"Then I won't lapse over us. I need support and being with you will do that and help me out of my lapses, knowing someone needs and loves me"

Dana smiles,

"Right coffee?" announces Monica

"What time is it?"

Monica rolls over "seven"

"Seven and your making coffee?"

"Yeah I don't sleep that great or for long so I made coffee"

"Ok, does doc know about your sleeping?"

"Yeah, she wants me on drugs for it but I'm delaying it, I want to be free off all drugs, survive alone without them. I was on too many in hospital. You want coffee in bed?"

"Yeah, thanks"

"Ok won't be a minute" Monica kisses Dana's nose and gets up. Dana lies running it all over in her head, what drugs was Monica on? Was she on that many that she doesn't want to take more?

"Here hunny, what you thinking?" asks Monica re appearing with two mugs of coffee.

"About you"

"Uh oh, what about me?" she laughs with a huge smile, handing over a mug

"How beautiful you are"

"Really?"

"Yeah"

"Thanks baby" and she put her mug on the side "so what's the plan for today?"

Dana hadn't thought this out, "I don't know"

"Well I was thinking, you need to see mom, I need to pop back to mine so could we do that this morning then go shopping later"

"Can do"

"Then ill cook us dinner later"

"If you want to"

"I do"

"Ok. I'll call mum in a while see if that's ok, I'm sure it is, shall I drop you home then I can pick you up from there after?"

"Fine with me"

They sit in bed with their coffees and Dana feels completely content for once in a long time.

"Do you have to go back home tonight? To sleep I mean"

Monica shakes her head "no, why? You want me to stay again?"

"Yes, if you want to"

"Yeah ok, ill pack more stuff when I'm at mine"

"Great"

After a while Dana got up and went to shower, then called mom while Monica showered.

"Hello" came mrs scully's voice

"Hi mom"

"Oh hi Dana how is you?"

"I'm ok, how are you?"

"I'm ok"

"Are you in for the next few hours?"

"Yes, why?"

"Can I come over and see you"

"Of course, is everything alright?"

"I hope so. Ill talk to you about it later. I have a quick errand to run then ill be over, so probably be in about an hour"

"That's fine, be good to see you"

"Bye mom"

She hangs up, scared what mom will say, she sat on the bed thinking when Monica stepped out of the bathroom

"You call mom?" shouts Monica then notices Dana's in the room.

"Yeah, said I'd be over in about an hour"

"Ok. Ill dress then we can go"

Dana looks up and Monica is stood completely naked,

"do you have to dress? I quite like you like this"

she says standing and walking over to her, Monica says nothing. Dana starts running her hands on Monica's sides

"Dana... Please" says Monica

Dana stops and steps back from her "what's wrong?"

"Nothing"

and Monica starts getting clothes out of her bag, Dana doesn't like this sudden change in Monica

"Ill be... Yeah..." and she walks out,

Unsure where she actually is going but away from Monica. She sits on the sofa, wondering what came over Monica, had she offended her by her advances? Was Monica feeling low or scared? Was this just how Monica was when not in control or demanding it?

"Hey, ready" comes Monica's voice breaking Dana's thoughts

"Ok shall we go?"

"Yeah, ok"

Dana stands, finds her shoes then sets to walk out to the car. Monica slips into her jacket and holds her bag, they walk out in silence.

The car journey to Monica's is just the same with Dana still thanking about Monica's reaction to her advances, but she wasn't making advances, Not really she was just touching her partner as she was stood temptingly gorgeous naked in front of her. What was wrong with that?

Soon she was pulling up outside Monica's

"Ill call when I leave moms to come pick you up"

"Ok" says Monica as she undoes her seatbelt and opens the door

"Bye then" urges Dana for a response

"Yeah bye" says Monica and shuts the door.

The journey to moms Dana was lost in thought, unsure how to tell mom, unsure what had happened with Monica earlier. Soon she arrived.


	16. Chapter 16

Lost

Ch 16

She slowly got out of the car, a speech prepared in her head. She gets to the door and knocks, suddenly feeling sick.

"Hi Dana, come in" welcomes mom

She follows her through

"Drink?" offers mom

"No thanks"

"Ok"

They get to the lounge, both sit

"So what's on your mind Dana?" asks mom

"Well mom, I... I uh need to tell you something" she pauses

"What's wrong Dana?"

"Mom I'm back with Monica"

It falls silent... Dana has no idea what to say, so waits for mom to speak.

"Dana..." she pauses "Dana the door is that way"

She looks at mom, she's stunned by what she's said, she slowly stands and walks towards the door, and she turns moms not following. She opens the door and walks to the car once in she pulls out her cell 'Monica', 'Walt', no she puts her cell away and starts driving, she knows where to, all the way she thinks of what she should of said to mum and what she may of said, its constantly back and forth in her head.

She arrives, climbs out of the car and up to the door, she knocks, it opens

"Dana? You ok? You didn't call"

"No I'm not" she looks up at Monica

"Hug?"

"No, can I just rest on the sofa?"

"Of course, come through"

She steps in and walks straight to the sofa, sits then lies down. Her heads thumping, full of so much emotion and most of it is at herself

"Want a drink?" asks Monica

"No, no thanks"

"Ok"

Dana hears Monica walk off towards the kitchen.

She can't just lie here, her relationship with mom is sitting on the brink of being non existent, she can't just lie here and let it go without a fight.

She stands and marches to the kitchen, Monica is stood at the sink letting the water run, she turns and Dana pushes her against the sink, and pulls her down for a kiss,

"I've gotta go, ill be back in a while"

"Ok, where you going?"

Dana turns on her heals, and walks towards the door

"Back to see mom" and she steps out.


	17. Chapter 17

Lost

Ch 17

Dana rolls up outside moms, she's going to sort this out one way or another, she's going to fight to keep mom as well as Monica. She strolls up to the door and knocks, the door opens,

"Your back?"

"Yes I'm not going without a fight if necessary, your my mom and I love you. We need to sort this out, right now"

"Dana I've been trying to contact you"

"I left and went to Monica's"

"I know you dropped your cell there, I called and I spoke to Monica. She's back isn't she?"

Danas stunned "yes, she is. Still has low days but she's ok"

"I know, we spoke. I'm sorry for my reaction earlier. I was just scared"

"I know, I've been scared too but its ok. I trust her again"

Mom sighs "I know you do, and I want to trust her too. Speaking to her she sounds so in love with you and all she wants to do is make you happy"

"I know but its still all new, only officially got back together last night"

"And you rushed to tell me?"

"Of course, no one knows we've made it official"

"That means a lot Dana"

"Its ok mom"

Dana felt so relieved and glad moms ok, but wonders what Monica said for mom to say what she said.

"Well I'm over for dinner tomorrow, it'll be nice to be together"

"Oh, yes it will"

"Good"

"Well I'd better go I'm due back to go shopping"

"Yes Monica said, well have fun and I will see you tomorrow"

"Yeah bye mom"

They hug and Dana leaves, very glad she came back to see her.

She gets to the car

"Hello" comes Monica's voice on the cell

"Hey"

"Oh hi, did you see Mom?"

"Yes"

"Am I in the dog house?"

"Why would you be? Moms fine and I'm glad you two are ok"

"Good. You coming over?"

"Yes, that ok?"

"Yeah its fine, see you soon?"

"Yeah just leaving, bye"

"Bye"

Their talks are becoming so casual, not like before when it was tense and forced.


	18. Chapter 18

Lost

Ch18

Dana pulls up outisde feeling very good and happy, but needs to address the earlier moment with monica before shopping. She arrives and walks up. The door opens,

"hi baby" says monica pulling dana into her lips,.they join and dana pulls away

"come sit, we need to talk" says Monica

"we do?" says dana unure what about

"yes" says monica taking her hands and leading her to the sofa. The quiet music in the background sets a calm mood which dana is glad of. They sit and monica takes danas hand

"right, I'm sorry about earlier at yours,.I know it upset you"

Dana looks at Monica for verification as to what she means

"when you touched me in the bedroom, I just felt concious, you were dressed and I wasn't, 't expect you to be in the bedroom as I walked out. So I'm sorry" monica says

"no need to be, I'm sorry I didn't stop before I acted, I just got caught up"

"well work on it, us two, together, ok?"

"yes" says dana as she leans into kiss monica, who responds.

"so what happened when mom called me cell?"

"did she tell you?"

"a bit, that she called and she now knows how much you love me and want to make me happy"

Monica smiles, "well I do. I answered your cell and it was your mom she was upset that she'd sent you away and worried she couldn't contact you. I told her you were on your way back to hers. She uh... started shouting at me for what I did to her and how I'd hurt you, so I told her straight. That I'm sorry I hurt you both, that I'll be eternally punished for it and that I can't live without you"

Dana looks at monica and sees she's bearing her soul,

"I told her of the violence I went through, she went quiet then I think she was crying,she said she wanted to try and forgive me for what I did, so I invited her over for dinner tomorrow so she can see I have changed.I love you and I want to make it upto mom, to help us work,cos I k ow your families important to you"

Dana feels tears forming, she has changed so much and even let mom into her soul. She leans into monica again and pulls her into her lips holding her there, she pulls back

"this all means so much to me, I love you too"

And she kisses her again, suddenly she becomes aware of the music playing,.she pulls back

"oh my god" she says

"what dana? What's wrong?" says monica sounding frantic

"this song"

"its moby, umm... The sky is broken, from album play, why? What's wrong?"

Dana laughs "this has so many memories"

"really? Good or bad?"

"bit of both. God maybe it all was an omen, I'm meant to be here, with you"

"dana, I'm confused. What you on about?"

She laughs again, she sits with her legs on the sofa beside her, her arm across the back of the sofa, sitting how monica is, running her hands along Monicas arm and playing with her fingers, "god... About four years ago I had been working with mulder for seven years, I went to collect autopsy results from the hopsital and some other results where there, a doctor named Daniel Waterston. He and I had a fling while I was in med school about ten years before. He was sick, and yeah it all got strange. I went into work and mulder was playing this, going on about a trip to England to see crop circles, well he went alone. Uh mon I kinda met this woman in the hospital, well its funny mulder sent me to see her, she was nice, ened my eyes. She was gay and very spiritual, helped possibly save daniels life. But I kept seeing this woman in all white with blonde hair, she turned up when I needed someone, prevented me having a car accident, then... You'll laugh"

"what?" said monica clearly into the story

"I had a row with daniels daughter and I followed the woman into a budhist temple in china town, where... I had a vision"

"a vision, of what?"

"my life so far,and of daniel, showing his condition wasn't what the doctors thought, it was weird"

"then what?"

"well in the end I realised I wasn't the same person I was ten years before so I told him to make it up to his daughter and I left. I saw the blonde again and I caught her, she turned and it was mulder. Its funny"

"what?"

"well we went to his and I told him all about what had happened, we agreed if I'd taken another path I wouldn't of been in the FBI or met him"

"right" monica sounds a little unhappy

"then its funny. That so could of been the start of something with me and him, but it wasn't, I fell asleep on the sofa. So it was fate, if something had happened I wouldn't be here with you now" monica nods but says nothing

"Mon that's a scary thought, but it shows I wasn't ever meant to be with him"

"did you think you were? Be honest with me" says monica

Dana moves her hand to monicas cheek "yes. that moment it did make me think it could be fate telling me to be with him but it didn't happen that way, I woke and it was back to normal. I went through his bedroom to the bathroom before I left, I saw him in bed but felt no want to lie with him so left. It wasn't meant to be, clearly. It was an omen telling me I'd get with a spiritual person, a woman, you"

Monica smiles, "thank you"

"for what?"

"being honest. I don't know if you've told me any of that before, I don't think you did but my gorgeous skeptical partner is sounding like me" she laughs and moves closer to dana

"you belive me about mulder, don't you?"

Monica moves right in, so their almost kissing "of course I do" and they kiss.

"I never talk about this to anyone"

"well I'm glad it was me"

"so are we still going shopping?" asks dana,

"yeah, I need to buy some new clothes and stuff for dinner tomorrow. That ok?"

"as long as I'm with you its fine"

Monica stands "ill get my wallet then we can go"

Dana watches monica walk across to bedroom, she feels so content and ready for anything, monica re appears "I forgot. I was sat here earlier thinking and I remember a promise I made to you, a long time ago now. Dana be honest, am I back? Properly now?"

Danas surprised by this "yes you are, why?"

"well" she says stepping closer to dana, she kneels down in front of her, "I promised you something, that you'd get when I got back" she puts her hand in her pocket, takes danas right hand "this" she says sliding a ring onto her midle finger, dana looks down "your ring, from your necklace"

monica smiles "yes,now your ring. I promised you once I was back it was yours. I'm back"

Dana looks at the ring on her finger, "its a perfect fit"

"shows it was mesnt for you. I was given it as a gift to give to the woman I loved and it would only fit her. I knew before I went away that it was meant for you"

Dana pulls monica to her lips again.

"come on let's go" announces monica standing and helping dana to her feet. They walk to the door,

"you not wearing a jacket?" asks dana as monica only has a vest on

"do you want me to?"

"no, I was just asking"

"good come on then"


	19. Chapter 19

Lost

Ch 19

They are soon at the shops, walking around happily hand in hand, monica seemed to calm and relaxed.

"so how comes were in a vest in public today?" asks dana stroaking monicas bare arms, while waiting for the coffees to be brought over

"I'm tired of being concious and hiding, people either excpet how look or they don't, the only person that matters is you"

"uhh so sweet, why can't I find a woman as caring as you?" says the young looking waitress, monica just laughs

"well she's one in a million, I'm so lucky to have her" replies dana, the waitress sets down the coffees and leaves smiling.

Soon there off again and monicas bags of shopping are growing, and its not all for herself, she's treating dana too and she's assured she doesn't have to.

"do you still need food shopping?"

"yes I need a few bits for the meal I'm cooking tomorrow, I want to prove to mom I'm worthy of you"

Dana laughs "your too much"

"not at all when it comes to you"

Soon walking around the market, monica pulls out a list making dana laugh "what's so funny?"

"you have a list?"

"yes, I've never cooked this before"

Dana still laughs, "are you staying a few nights with me?"

"I haven't thought about it, do you want me to?"

"a bit, I just need to know so I can get more food in"

"well ill stay a few days then"

They set then to getting more food and paying. "I've had a nice day with you, thanks" says monica as they load the car.

"its ok, I had a great time with you"

They drive to danas, unload the car and are inside unpacking. "I'm thinking lazy night, order in and just chill"

Says monica

"yeah ok"

"ill order, you off for that shower?"

"yeah that ok?"

"yes. One day I will join you but not yet"

This surprises dana "really?"

"yes"

"ok, when your ready, no rush. Though we never shared a shower before"

"I know but I always wanted to, more so now, once I'm more comfortable"

"ok, ill shower while you order"

"hawian with extra cheese"

Dana steps forward and kisses monica "please"

"ok" says monica as dana walks to the bedroom, she digs out her satin pj set and fleece dressing gown.

She gets into the shower humming 'the sky is broken' thinking about how much better monica was today, and how much she needs her again. She watches as the water cascades over her ring, it glistens, it means so much for them both. She gets out the shower and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror "jeez mon" she whipsers to herself looking in the mirror at her two bites from the night before, her neck is not as bruised as her shoulder but she will need a shirt for work and dinner with mom. She dries and puts on her pjs, then gown then steps out to find monica. She finds her stood behind the ironing board, "what you upto?" asks dana

"sorting you out a few shirts, you'll be needing them and that's my fault. I want to be helpful"

Dana walks further towards monica and wraps her arms around her, "thank you, but I didn't ask you to stay to do my housework"

"I know"

Dana snuggles in, enjoying the warmth of monica, while she continues to iron, both silent, dana enjoys the silence, so much is spoken in silence.

The pizza arrives and they tuck in, monica eating more than dana "you'll soon put your weight back on" laughs dana,

"I wish" says monica "doc reckons it'll never come back, that ill always be this small now, is that a problem?"

"is that actually a question?"

"yes"

"no its not a problem, I love you not your body size"

Monica smiles then giggles. "right I'm going for a shower"

"ok"

"ill shout when I want you" says monica walking across the room.

This makes dana think, why would she want her? And what for? Dana sits back on the sofa, not thinking just sitting, waiting.

"dana-gater?" comes monicas voice

"yes?"

"can you come here? I need you"

Dana stands "ok, coming" still unsure what she could want her for, she opens the door to the bedroom and steps in.


	20. Chapter 20

Lost

Ch 20

She is surprised, monica is laid out on the bed on her front, naked.

"hey" she says, smiling

"hey" replies dana, suddenly overwhelmed with desire, snd lust. But she holds it back, that's not how they work, not yet.

"you ok?" asks dana cautiously

"I'm great, you?"

Dana takes a deep breath "yeah"

"you coming to bed?"

Danas heart lurches, she nods "one minute"

She steps into the bathroom, so much floods her mind, what does monica want? Is this a test? Why's she laying naked? She splashes water on her face and tries to calm down, but she can't, she's worried about what she wants. A knock comes at the door

"you ok hunny?" comes monicas voice,

"yeah be right there" she stands back up and slowly walk out, monica is now stood by the bed, still naked. She turns,

"hey"

Dana just nods, her inner turmoil is growing by the second,all she wants to do is jump monica and make love to her all night but she can't, its killing her. Monica walks over to dana and holds her hands

"what's wrong? Am I repulsive now you've seen all of me?"

"no" says dana

"ok"

Monica moves her hand upto danas neck and starts pulling her into her lips, dana can't do this, she can't keep her demons at bay

"Mon, please... Stop"

Monica steps back, "what? Why?"

"I can't do this, can we just go to bed?"

"ok, but why? What's wrong? What's going on?"

"I can't... I just can't"

"why? What's wrong?"

She takes a deep breath "I love you but I'm scared. All I want to do is throw you on that bed and make love to you till you can't take anymore, but I can't. I still see you as the monica I had before, but that's not you. I can't let myself go... I'm scared ill hurt you. I... I... Can't hurt you. so I need to stop before I can't stop"

Monicas face drops, "but its not that I'm repulsive or ugly?"

"god no"

"sure?"

"yes"

"then come make love to me till I can't take it anymore"

"what?"

Monica steps back forward,

"you heard me"

she pulls dana into her lips they kiss and dana starts to let go, could she really do this? She wants to, she needs to.

It was a rushed, passionate violent jaunt of love making, dana slumped her head back on the pillow as monica slumped on top of her

"wow" says monica breathlessly

"yeah wow"

They lay snuggled, naked togther

"I love you" says dana

Monica moves her head up, "I love you too"

Soon they are kissing and it begins again, but this time much slower and dana takes her time working out monica body, her sensative points and every scar.

This carries on for a few hours, but it is so much needed for them both.


	21. Chapter 21

Lost

Ch 21

Dana rolls off and lies next to Monica who strokes her face and nose, this makes Dana feel tired and sleepy.

"I don't want to sleep" says Dana sleepily

"But you need to, you've got work tomorrow"

"Oww, can't I pull a sickie?"

"No"

"Why?"

Monica laughs "ill still be here when you wake up and here when you get in"

"Ok, but I don't want to stop"

Monica laughs again "go to sleep"

Dana kisses Monica then settles down while Monica carries on soothing her.

Next thing she knows

"Dana...dana-gater" its Monica's voice

She slowly start to open her eyes, "yes"

"You need to wake up hunny"

Dana smiles, she knows that she and Monica usually wake horny "why?"

"Well you need to shower and eat before you go to work"

"That all?" she says trying not to laugh

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing"

"Right, get up, shower and ill sort breakfast, ok?"

"Yes ok" she says a little sad

She crawls out of bed and forces herself into the shower, still thinking about the night before and how amazing it was. She hoped Monica felt the same, she decided to bring it up at breakfast. She gets out and walks into the bedroom to find her clothes all set out on the bed,

"Thank you" she calls out

Monica appears at the door way in her vest and shorts,

"That's ok; I've saved your best shirt for later with mum"

"What best shirt?"

"The one you wore the night we first got together, I love you in that one"

Dana thinks "oww I know what one"

"Right its ready you coming?"

"Yeah ill dress after or ill probably make a mess" both laugh and walk to the kitchen. The table is set and has two large plates of fried breakfast

"Ill get fat I eat that" laughs Dana

"You'll need the energy, you burnt off too much last night" laughs Monica,

Dana kisses Monica then sits down, "so last night was ok then?"

"Is that a real question?"

"Yes"

"Why are you so scared and worried? Do I seem ok now?"

"Yes you do"

"So I must be ok, right?"

"Yes"

"So why ask?"

"I just want to be sure"

Monica sits and Leans across taking Dana's hands, "it was amazing, mind blowing, everything I wanted and more"

"Really?"

"Yes, and for you?"

"The same" They both smile

Soon eaten Dana goes to dress, Monica follows

"Is it ok if I hang here a bit, and then go out? Don't worry ill be back in time to cook dinner"

"Yeah, do whatever, you have a key"

"Thanks hun"

All dressed and teeth brushed Dana was ready to leave

"Ill see you later. Ill probably call when I'm on break" says Dana

"Ok, see you later. Love you"

"Love you too, bye baby"

They kiss and Dana leaves.

At work it's a normal sort of day, but all she can think of is Monica, sat at hone, alone. She wonders if she'll get another job or even go back to the bureau, she'd hate not to be working. On her break she decides to sit outside, she walks out and pulls out her cell. She tried home, no answer, she guesses Monica is out. She tries her cell, it rings

"No need to call me hun" comes a voice

She turns and sees Monica "hey"

"Hey, I'm meeting john for lunch"

Dana walks over to her taking her hands "that's good"

"It wasn't planned"

"It's fine. Why you sound defensive?"

"Do I? I don't mean too"

"Its fine, don't worry. I'm glad your seeing john"

"Are you?"

"Monica I'm your partner not your minder or boss, you do what you like. As long as it doesn't affect us its fine. Seeing john is good"

"Ok"

"Hey ya, my two favourite ladies" comes johns voice

"Hi john" says Dana turning and hugs him, "how are you?"

"I'm good thanks Dana and you?"

"I'm amazing"

"Hi Mon"

"Hi john"

"Right, ill call you later" says Dana

"Ok bye hun"

They kiss and Dana leaves. She is very glad Monica and john are meeting up, its good. Give Monica a bit more sanity back.

The day soon passes by after lunch, she's glad but unsure how the evening will go with mom, she had a lot of hate for Monica, has it really passed?

"Hello"

"Hey hun, how's it going?"

"Great, I love cooking"

"Good. Ill be home soon" smiles Dana

"Ok hun, see you soon bye" and hangs up

This surprises Dana, no love you, but hey she seemed in high spirits.

She arrives home

"Honey I'm home" she calls

"Hi, in the kitchen"

Dana takes off her coat, walks through and finds Monica stood at the oven. She walks over and wraps her arms around her

"Hi" she says

"Hi"

Dana pulls back and sees Monica has a vest on with a lace back; she bought it while out shopping, Monica turns, and Dana starts rubbing her bare arms

"I love you in this top"

"Hi Dana" comes another voice, Dana swings round

"Hi mom" she feels a blush start and she pulls away from Monica

"You look like a child caught in the biscuit barrel" laughs mom, Dana just shrugs

"How are you?" asks mom

"I'm good, and you?"

"I'm good"

"Right I'm going to change" announces Dana and escapes to her bedroom. She glad to be away from mom to breath before she talks to her, its going to be difficult being around them together. She takes off her trousers and slips into her jeans, the off comes her blouse, she looks in the mirror at her bruises, she hopes they will fade soon, a knock disturbs her thoughts

"Yes"

"Can I come in Dana?" comes mom's voice

Dana quickly grabs her other shirt and pulls it on, "yes ok"

She starts doing it up as mom steps in

"You ok hunny?" asks Mrs Scullly

"Yeah I'm fine mom" she finishes and quickly checks her neck bruise is covered

"You seem very on edge" says Mrs Scullly sitting on the bed

"I'm ok"

"Dana" comes a stern voice

Dana turns "what mom? You want me to say I'm unhappy or feel threatened by Mon or that I'm... I don't know. What do you want me to say?"

"Are you any of those?"

"God no mom, I'm very much in love and loved"

"Good"

Dana sits on the bed "its just weird being around both of you, your the first person to spend time with me and mon together, so far its been just me and her, and with what happened I'm a bit on edge. There its out"

Mom moves her hand onto Dana's "Dana, Monica and I have talked intensely early about everything and its all forgiven and forgotten. This is the new start for us all"

"It is indeed, I'm glad you agree"

"And Dana you don't need to blush or pull away from Monica when I'm around"

Dana shrugs

"Your an adult in love, I like to see you two together, gives me faith in love again"

Dana smiles "thanks mom"

"I'm going to the bathroom then ill be out"

"Ok mom" says Dana standing as mom does.

Back in the kitchen Dana goes to Monica who is lent on the side with a wine glass in hand "its not alcoholic don't worry" says Monica

Dana continues walking towards her, takes the glass from her hand, takes a sip and places the glass on the side

"Why would I worry?" she wraps her arms around Monica's middle

"Doc said to lay off alcohol for a while"

Dana moves one hand to Monica's cheek "did she now?"

"Yes, she did"

"Oww ok" says Dana stroking Monica's cheek, completely absorbed in the moment

"You ok hun?" asks Monica a little concerned

"Perfect" she pulls Monica towards her

"Your moms just in there"

"Yeah telling me not to blush or hide my love for you"

"Really?"

Dana pulls her so close they almost kiss "really" she whispers pulling Monica fully into her lips.

They stay for a moment just kissing then Dana pulls back

"I love you" says Dana

"I love you too"

"And I love you both" comes moms voice,

Both turn to see mom stood by the table, smiling.

Dinner was soon ready and the atmosphere in the room was amazing, drinks soon followed with Monica sticking strictly to her alcohol free wine.

Soon it was midnight

"I'd better go" announces mom

"Ill call for a cab" says Monica disappearing into the lounge,

Mom turns to Dana "I'm so happy for you"

"Really?"

"Yes. She's an amazing woman. And I'm guessing that amazing ring is from her"

Dana looks at the ring "yes it is" she says smiling

"Well your very lucky and I'm very happy for you"

"Thanks mom"

"The cab will be about ten minutes, shall I walk you down?" says Monica re appearing, unaware of the conversation before.

"Please, that'll be great" says mom standing.

Dana and mom hug, and mom walks out

"Won't be a second baby" says Monica blowing her a kiss.

Dana starts to load the dishwasher while Monica's gone then she can get ready for bed. She feels two hands come around her stomach "hey baby"

"Hey Mon, mom get off ok?"

"Yeah. Can we go sit for a minute?"

"Yeah, is everything ok?"

"I hope so" replies Monica,

This reply unsettles Dana, what could Monica want, or is she just reading into it to much? They sit on the sofa and Monica takes her hands

"Right, Dana..." she pauses

"What?"

"When I was leaving john back at the bureau I was approached by Chris O'Neil from Quantico"

"Yes I know"

"He's offered me a part time job, there are a few conditions but I could be working again as soon as three month's time" Monica sounded happy

"Doing what? What conditions?" Dana didn't like the sound of this, could she and Monica be permitted to work in Quantico together as a couple?

"It'll be talking to new recruits about the job, going undercover and the possible bad outcomes if you let the job consume you, like it did me"

"Ok, the conditions? Say we need to split up"

"Dana no, my god I wouldn't even tell you the offer if that was a condition, no way, I'd of turned it down flatly. I need to get a full analysis done by doc, and then pass a bureau test then if I pass I'm in. That's it. I asked straight out if my relationship with you affected it and he said no. He even called to make sure; I won't be working with you or in your department. What do you think?"

Dana was unsure "If you want to go for it"

"No Dana, I want your real opinion. You never voiced it before and it killed us. This decision effects us, so we need to discuss it"

"ok, I'm unsure if you could handle it, you'll be talking probably in depth about what you went through, I don't want you to lapse due to a job, you have money so is it worth it?"

"Fair points, but doc won't let me do it unless she knows for definite it won't affect me or us. I don't want to lapse, you know that"

"Well having the tests won't hurt, book to see doc and go from there. If you want to work then work"

"If I do take it will we be ok? I can't lose you Dana"

"Well be fine, as long as we stick together"

"I love you so much"

"I love you too. Now bedtime"


	22. Chapter 22

Lost

22

Last chapter

Days turned to weeks and Monica's analysis and test came.

Two month after she found out she had passed both fully and took the job.

Within two weeks it was the first session with a class this worried Dana.

She arrived home unsure of what she would be faced with

"I'm home" she called

"hey baby, today was amazing, ill have to tell you all about it at dinner. I've cooked your favourite and got in some of that lovely wine. Uh baby come here" says Monica enthusiastically grabbing Dana into her arms and kisses her, Dana pulls back stunned

"Wow, hun, your full of it today"

"I am but I'm much better now your home. I missed you today"

Dana smiles, Monica was truly back and happy working again.

Life passed by and it was wonderful for everyone, the past was forgotten and life was great.

After six months Monica moved in full time and they both felt amazing for it. The apartment became home again, and they grew stronger and stronger.

Soon it came around to them being together a year, the longest they'd been together since it all began.

"I can't believe its a year ago that we got together" says Dana smiling up at Monica

"I know, and look how far we've come"

"Yeah and became my butterfly".


End file.
